Hello Vivian.....I've missed you.

I had an epiphany last night. It came to me right before I fell asleep, I nearly got up and starting typing right then but I grabbed a notebook and started writing. (That's one thing you'll notice about my house; the books and random notebooks laying around and most of the notebooks have something written in it.) As I mentioned before, I've been reading a lot lately, I'm currently reading Simply Irresistible, Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love and after reading The Courage to Trust, it hit me; maybe it's not others only that I'm afraid of trusting, maybe it's myself. I've caught myself in a circle; I don't trust exposing my true, 'Siren' self, out of fear that I'll be rejected. I have to trust that releasing that part of me will be ok. It's the first step in opening up and trusting others, right now, the thought of doing it gives me hives, but I know I've got to do it.


Women, for tens of thousands of years, have used the brains and bodies that God has blessed them with to charm men not only out of their hearts, but their pants, money, marriages, sanity and sometimes, even their life. (La Belle Otero aka the Suicide Siren who's beauty and seductive dance is said to have driven 8 men to commit suicide.) There are a variety of these types of women, Seductresses or Sirens as they've been called,  The Goddess, the Companion, the Sex Kitten, the Competitor and the Mother; now if you want to learn about all the other types, you'll have to check out the books. But if Mae West, Josephine Baker, Marylin Monroe, Elizabeth I or Catherine the Great entered your mind...they all fit into one of these types. The type that captivated me the most with the types of Sirens is the Companion.

The Companion is the woman who is there, the woman who sees the potential in a man, any man, and assists in making him better. She's his Anatoli Grushkov (if you saw Sum of All Fears) the one who knows all, where all of the bodies are buried and probably did some of the burying. She's the woman who wants be be behind the scenes rather than on stage. A chameleon, she can be nearly anything to any man, any time, seamlessly. These skills make her a force to be reckoned with in the bedroom as well. She's always his cheerleader, she's always sexy, always savvy and above all always his friend.  I'm a Companion.


Why have I been suppressing this part of me for so long? Granted, I haven't been able to suppress it all, I AM my grandmothers granddaughter, I know where I get this from. Queen was a special woman. Yes, my grandmothers name was Queen, and she passed on a little bit of her gift to all of her children and grandchildren. I don't know why I've kept mine wrapped so tight...I know how dangerous it can be when released and used to it's full potential but it's time to let my Siren, Viven, out of her cage. I'm glad to let her out. I've missed her.