Escape from Ft. Knox White House NORAD Island

  I've been fat for a long time. I can blame lots of things; Depo Provera (DON'T TAKE IT!!), depression, laziness: but at the end of the day when I look in the mirror there's no on left to blame but me. Back in September, after MONTHS (years) of listening to my mothers nagging, I finally took her advice and went to a place and found success in DOING something about it. In doing something about my weight, I've found that there are other areas of my life that I need to focus on, so my weightloss journey has evolved into an 'overall person' journey. I didn't wake up one morning and decide I was going to take a journey, it kinda just happened. I first got the sense that something was happening when, as I was getting ready to go to my parents for christmas dinner, I had the fleeting thought that it would be the last christmas I'd be single. Strange.  I've got no one on the radar, haven't for awhile. As I've lost more and more weight, I've seen myself changing and felt as if I've been getting ready for something, someone. That I've finally reached the point in my life that I'm ready for that next turn in the road.

As I psychoanalyze myself (I'm a Libra, we make great shrinks so I do this to myself sometimes) I feel as if I put the weight on to keep people away; so I can control who can and cannot come near me. It was my safety blanket. As the weight drops off, I lose that control and it is one of the things I will have to deal with, because letting people in, be close, is also another issue I have.  Can you call it a trust issue? I don't know. I do have plenty of people I trust. It's a matter of letting someone that close to love...a different level of trust. For me to trust you enough to give you my heart...that is tougher than Ft. Knox right there. Actually, it's Ft. Knox, at The White House, inside NORAD, on an island.  Hey, I SAID it's tough, and I'm working on it. 

Now that I'm doing this whole 'less TV for Lent thing', I'm reading a lot more books. I've always been a fast reader, so I'll probably be doing a book or 2 a week. After I finish with Larry Winget's "People are Idiot's and I can prove it!" (He does prove it BTW, yes, I AM an idiot.), my next read will be "Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy" by David Richo. I know if I really want to be ready for whomever is waiting for me at the end of this journey I need to be open to this and get ready to leave Ft. Know White House NORAD Island.