Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol

In regards to alcohol, I don't believe there should be an age restriction on it. Drugs, I don't believe they should be illegal. We should have learned our lesson after prohibition, when the crime rate skyrocked, but we didn't. We've lost the drug war. Call me a crazy Libertarian, but that's how I feel.

Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years

I'll be 44 years old. It's kinda strange to imagine myself at 44, but the older I get, the faster time seems to move on.

God willing, I won't be in DC, I'll have finally hit the multi-million dollar jackpot, bought my room on The World and cruising my to retirement.

But that's not really probable, so unless I change to a career where I can live anywhere and we move, yeah, I'll still be in DC.
Relationship wise, who knows: I'll either be Mae West, Mrs Cleaver or some strange combo of the two.

One thing I will have done by that point is at least one of my stories. I've had this idea in my head for years and I'll finally have it completed, maybe even published.

Day 01 - Your current relationship--if single, discuss how single life is

Single.

Totally.

Utterly.

Single.

I'm more accepting of it than I use to be. But I want to get married, I want to have kids...in that order. So I need to not be single anymore to accomplish that goal. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder, Is it me? Hell, I've even asked guys I know to give me their honest opinion and to tell me what's wrong with me? Why am single? I can't fix what's wrong with me if I don't know what wrong with me! Or maybe they're right, nothing is wrong with me. Who I'm suppose to be with just isn't here in this area, I'm just going to have to go somewhere else to find him or for him to find me. That's kind of depressing.

With all the men in this area you'd think there'd be one or two that would be single, available, and right for me. I'm missing the days where all the single ladies got dressed up in ball gowns and corsets to be paraded around in front of all the single gentleman of the community. At least then you knew how/where to FIND the single/available men.

If this was 1811, I'd be a Spinster.

Borrowed blog prompts...

I ran across this on a blog that I was reading and thought it was a pretty good idea for writing prompts over the coming days and weeks as I leave 2011 behind and enter 2012. So be on the look out!

Day 01 - Your current relationship--if single, discuss how single life is
Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol
Day 04 - Your views on religion
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit
Day 14 - Your earliest memory
Day 15 - Your favorite blogs
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year
Day 18 - Your beliefs
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents
Day 20 - How important you think education is
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous and who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you?
Day 27 - A problem that you have had
Day 28 - Something that you miss
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days

Oh, how far I have come.

Have you noticed the astonishing lack of adult behavior in so-called adults nowadays? Why is that? Is it because society no longer asks adults to BE adults anymore?

I had a date set up the other night, we were suppose to meet for drinks at a nearby bar. It was a guy I met online, 40. We'd been talking back and forth over email and text, seemed to be vibing, I like what he was saying and we seemed to have a lot in common. So I was really looking forward to the date. The last email I get from him says he'll see me around 5:30. I get to the bar around 5:20...6:30 he still hasn't shown.

I was stood up.

But it turns out, I actually had a pretty good evening. I wandered the mall a bit, did my best to really avoid Coach & Michale Kors....Did you know William Sonoma sells Star Wars cookie cutters and cup cake liners? Me either. I ended up getting a slice of cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory and heading home afterwards, beating all that crazy rain we had last night. So after spending so much time to myself, I got to do some thinking. You'd think I'd be pissed off or angry with this joker at being stood up. Hell, I thought I'd be too, but I wasn't.

I was disappointed.

I expected someone that age would be beyond that high school stuff. That he would at least be man enough to show, even if he wasn't physically interested in me, because that's what adults do, cause it's the right and respectable thing to do. But no, it proves yet again that age IS nothing but a number, maturity is all in the mind.

I guess this shows how far I've come in this last year. Any other time I would have been ranting about how much men suck and why is it so hard to find a good one here in DC.....but I'm just shrugging my shoulders at this one. He's just another to add to the pile of broken boys and keep looking for one that actually works, especially for me. I know the further I get past all the wrong guys just means I'm even closer to finding that guy I do belong with.

Just a few more to test out.

Time to set up my domino's......

Why is it that it usually takes great tragedy to cause us to make great change in our lives? 

You think you have all the time in the world to get everything right: your job, your house, your life...that once you have everything arranged and set up it will just fall into place as it should; like domino's. 

But time is a bitch. 

She comes and kicks your dominos and twists them around, re-arranges them, sometimes, she'll take them. Some of us will try and fight time; we'll keep trying to put our domino's back up like we had them before, yet here comes Time again, running havoc over our carefully laid out plans....and before you realize it, you've run out of domino's and time: all that you set out to do you didn't get accomplished. Your plans are for nothing.

Then there are others who realize there is no fighting Time; she's going to come in and do her worst, you've just got to work with it. You find a way to keep going over and around and even through the obstacles she throws at you or puts in your way. Yes, sometimes, it will suck: A LOT, it's worth it though. 

It took a terrible tragedy this time last year for me to realize that I needed to make some big changes; Time wasn't waiting on me so I needed to stop waiting on her. 

Time to set up my domino's......

Shawshank Redeemed.

For nearly 13 years, I've been Tim Robbins character, Andy Dufresne, from Shawshank Redemption; only the prison that I've been locked in has been one of my own making.

I was my own warden and guard force. I built the walls, fences and barb wire that surround my prison that I built to keep me locked in and others out. One day, I woke up and realized what I had done, and I wanted out, so I did as Andy and slowly started chipping away at the walls of my prison. (Only the posters on my wall definitely included The Rock and Jason Stathom.)

Suddenly, tonight, it hit me: I am free. I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but it did. Maybe part of me was expecting more hoopla when it happened, a mental parade with ticker tape and marching bands or something, but it didn't happen. All I know, is that the walls are gone, the fences and barbwire are no more and the guards have been fired. My my mind and heart are all at peace. I'm not hiding part of myself from the world; I'm not scared to be vulnerable or hurt, because that's a part of life, learning to deal with that hurt, adapting and overcoming that hurt and moving on from it.

I'm not afraid of being hurt anymore.

I wasn't expecting this, but it could be step one  as part of the, 'What I've been waiting for is around the corner scenario feeling that I've been having in my gut these past few weeks.

I hope so. I believe so.

Just a few more boxes to throw out.

Sometimes, this self-discovery road blows, but you learn a lot about yourself and end up better in the end. 

I've been getting more in touch with my spiritual side; meditation and all that fun stuff. For some reason, I decided to start studying Tarot. I guess it's one of those off ramps I decided to look into while tapping deeper into myself. It's definitely not something I'm 'playing' with; I don't 'play' with the metaphysical world. I've had one too many encounters with ghost's to mess with or tick off anything 'other worldly'. I've also said a lot of stuff that's actually happened, that there's a healthy respect for all of it.

With Tarot, there are hundreds of different types of cards, ways to lay out and read the cards after awhile it starts to make your head spin if you try to eat the entire elephant at once. But it's like they say, you've got to do it one bite at a time.  I've been practicing a lot, mainly on myself.  I did one particular spread that was called a 'Healing Spread', it's focused on psychological healing. 

I'd already, I had a pretty good idea what my issue was, but this just confirmed it for me.

• Emotional Block - 5 of Cups:  Loss. Need to release past regrets. Forgive those who have hurt you and forgive yourself. Fear of intimacy. Self-blame. 

Ding, ding, ding!! Wow, right on the money! I don't deal with losing people well. And when it comes to intimacy, I've been freaking Kenyan marathoner. 

• Past Relationships - Ace of Swords (Reversed/Upside down): Unrealistic or unreasonable expectations. Dominating others. Self-righteousness. Poor health.

I always had to be the one in control of my relationships and yes, I was in terrible health, being so overweight, I had a bag of issues to go with it. 

• Present Relationships - Queen of Cups: Nurtureance, Intuition, Need to explore feelings, Generosity. Emotionally deep partnership. 

Man, have I been exploring my feelings and my intuition lately. Still looking for that emotionally deep partnership. (FYI, Kings and Queens can represent a person as well as a situation. So it could be referring to me or someone I know.)

• Revelations - Knight of Cups: New relationships and emotional experiences. New love interest. Follow your dreams. Idealism and creativity. Intuition.

Yeah, still waiting on that love interest and new relationship, but tons of new emotional experiences!

• Guidance - 7 of Cups (Reversed/Upside down): Need for action. Focus and act decisively. Clarity. Diligence. Perseverance.

Well, that's pretty cut and dry: Act, stick to and, be clear on the goal and preserver!

• Spiritual Lesson - 10 of Cups (Reversed/Upside down): Appreciate what you have. Don't take things for granted. 

No better way to sum that up.

All in all, what I took away from this was I'm on the right track. What I started so many months ago was what I was suppose to do and what I still am doing today. 

I've cleaned a lot of demons and dirt out of my closet; kicked plenty of monkeys off my back and have unloaded a LOT of bagged during the journey. It feels as if I'm cleaning of those houses on Hoarders and it's the final day of the clean up.I can see the floors; the walls; the bathroom and kitchen are useable again and clean, but there are just a few more boxes left that I need to throw out to make room for what belongs here.

Comets don't come around that often.

I've had this on my mind for awhile now, but I haven't blogged on it cause I knew I'd hurt some people's feelings. Then I remembered who I was, and said screw it, I'll do it anyway:  The older I have gotten, I've started to notice a pattern with men and women my age doing stupid relationship acts.

Men: You decide that it is 'time' for you to settle down and get married. So the next chick that wanders into your sites that you somewhat like, you bag her and tag her.

Women: You are so desperate to settle down and get married, you're trying to force a man that you should have let go of years ago into a mold of a what you think your perfect man is.

How sad.

Guys

Where this clock is that tells you it is time for you to get married? I'd like to break it.  How many of you have have missed out on a great woman because you felt it wasn't your 'time' to get married? Yet, when you decide that it is time, oh my damn, do your friends WISH they could turn back the clock! Really? It wasn't the right time for A, who was a five course meal at The Palm....damn near perfect, yet it's the right time for B and she's......well......2 for $20 at Applebee's. This example ticks me off two fold, cause not only does the guy pass on the right girl (grass is greener), but he marries (settles) with the wrong girl, then months, years, later, he realizes his mistake and god-willing, doesn't do it again.

But so much time wasted......why do you put yourselves through this? Get rid of the clock! Sure, there isn't just 'one' person for any of us out there, but when you come across one of the 'ones' dammit man, you don't let it go! They're like comets, they don't come around all that often. (I'm talking about the cool comets, like Hailey.) You've got to grab it when you can and don't let it go!

Granted, there are times, exceptional times, where you must let the Comet go. (War, death, intercontinental jobs, youth, family drama, alien abductions; TRULY exceptional times) What are you to do? You still don't settle for Applebee's!! True, you may not get The Palm again either you could get Ruth's Chris or Shula's but you really don't want to settle for a Applebee's after The Palm, do you?

Ladies

STOP THE MADDNESS!!

Can you PLEASE leave these fools on the corner where you found them? If you want to be nice, drop him off at his mamas house. It's bad enough you've gone and had babies by this lazy-ass, no job, welfare having, in and out of jail fool, but WHY do you keep letting him back in? Your house? Your bed? Your wallet? Especially when you KNOW his ass has just climbed out of someone ELSE'S bed!! WAKE UP! He is not your Prince Charming. Yes, you've wasted a LOT of years on that man, don't waste anymore on him. Walk away. NOW. The only thing that that man can bring you is more heart-ache, pain, a child by another woman and maybe an STD. Happiness? Pleasure? Joy? Contentment? Peace of Mind? Not from him. Hasn't he treated you like a fool and a doormat long enough? He's not going to be the man you want him to be, he never will be. The man you WANT is out there looking for you. Get out there so he can find you.

Forks and Spoons

I'm not feminist. I like men. A lot. I think they're the best things God put on this planet besides Haagen Daaz Vanilla Fudge Ice Cream (which they discontinued, bastards) and full body deep tissue massages. Most feminists give off the, "I am woman, hear me roar, cause I can do anything a man can do' cheer. Why? Just because I CAN do something doesn't mean I SHOULD or NEED TO: hell, I can change a flat tire, why should I? I know plenty of guys that can do it for me. Ladies, guess what? Men LIKE doing stuff for us; it makes them feel manly. Give them something manly to do, then thank them kindly for it. You, and they, will be glad you did.

I can't do everything a man can do; a man can't do everything that I, a woman, can do. Stop telling me that I don't need a man to do this or I don't need a man to do that. Yes, I do. We do. If mother nature intended for us to not need men, we would not need men to get pregnant. Don't talk to me about doctors and invetro and all that, cause do you know what you still need at the end of the day? A man. And if men were depended upon for children, well, humanity probably would of ended 10,000 years ago.  I hate to tell you feminists this, but we aren't equal; we are Forks and Spoons.

It's a weird analogy, I know, but when I read it in a book, it fits perfectly. You don't use a fork to eat soup and you don't use a spoon to eat spaghetti. Each utensil is needed for specific tasks, yet sometimes, they can be used for the same task. (Ever run out of clean spoons and you really, really are dying for some ice cream? Forks work!) We have our differences, each needed to do a specific job, but to complete your meal, you need both a fork and a spoon, right?

You belong with me....but I'm not waiting for you to realize it.

Have you ever crushed on someone that was with the wrong person, you know they're so right for you, but you refuse to be THAT person that is the cause for the break up?

Yup. Me too.

But what did you do? Cry? Stare at your crush from afar and curse fates for giving you such terrible timing? Did you make little voodoo dolls of their girlfriend and try for the worst to overtake them? Did you sit at home, eating ice cream and drinking wine moaning with your girlfriends about how all the really great guys were taken with girls they didn't need to be with?

Yup. Me too.

Then one day I woke up and asked myself, 'Why?' Why am I'm pining away for someone I cannot have? There are thousands, no, MILLIONS of  someones I can have out there? Really, why are you wasting your time on that ONE that doesn't see you/isn't ready for you/can't have you/doesn't want you when there are THOUSANDS of them out there that DO? No, MILLIONS. 

Yes: Millions. Start strapping on your stilettos and get your freak'em dress on!

Yeah, there are PLENTY of great guys out there with wasting their time on girls they shouldn't, just because they don't want to be alone or the one guy in their group of friends that doesn't have a girlfriend. Then that one REALLY great woman comes along that's perfect for him and what's SHE suppose to do, wait? Hell no: Millions. There is no 'One'  in this world; there are 'Ones'. Someone may be your 'One' at this point in your life, but if the time is not right for either of you, move on; another 'One' will come along or if fate likes you, she'll bring that 'One' back around.

Why wait and hope on one man who doesn't want you where there are THOUSANDS out there that do? No. Millions.

The Blueprint: Part I

I'm 44 pounds lighter than I was this time last year. Many people have told me that I have inspired them and have asked me what I have been doing. When I set out on my journey, I never meant to inspire anyone else, just to be a better me. I'm still not done with my journey, I'm at about the halfway point right now.  But I figured that I can share with you what I've been doing/have done so far. Not everything works for everyone, it took me over 10 years to get to this point. I've tried damn near every diet and workout out plan out there. But after doing some research and LEARNING about my body, cause all bodies are different, I figured out what worked for me. 

The Food:  Dr. Abravanel's Body Type Diet and Lifetime Nutrition Plan

This book was a god send for me, before it, I was a sugar crazed caffeine addicted acne covered slob. My desk at one point had a candy drawer and a bowl. I would eat Pillsbury break n bake cookies almost nightly, by the tray. It was ugly. This book helped me break that addiction. It also tells you what types of workouts are good for your bodytype. The ones below were good for me, they may not be right for you if you're not my type.

  

The Workout(s): Insanity, TurboFire

Love, Love LOVE Insanity, but back in October, I couldn't do it to save my life. I was too fat. So to start losing weight and work my way up to it, I started doing TurboFire. It took me 4 mths of doing TF to get into good enough shape even do Insanity, and I'm still not great at it, but I can do it. I can DO it.

The Accountability: My Weight Doctor

Mom pushed this one on me. She wanted me to go. Her thinking was it took drugs for me to get fat to begin with, it was gonna take drugs to help me get the fat off. (Ladies, never, EVER go on Depo!) So after months of being my usual stubborn self, I finally broke down and went, best decision of my life. My normal weightloss yo-yo is do good for a while, plateau, then get discouraged and fall off the wagon. With them, it doesn't happen, they help me to adjust to the plateaus and curves that happen when your body wants to hold on to the fat. They encourage you when you're doing good and scold you when you're not, but keep pressing you to do better. I need that.

Eisenhower Road.

My dad has a picture from my brother's year at NAPS (Naval Academy Prep School. Newport, RI for those who don't know) from the annual NAPS/MAPS (West Point's prep school) game.  The picture is of my brother, Brendan Looney, who were at NAPS, and Anthony Miller who attended MAPS. The three of them played football at DeMatha together and dad captured the 'together again' moment of Brendan and Tony in their jersey's while David was still in his whites, he wasn't playing football anymore.

It's amazing the milliseconds in time that pictures can capture. Who would have imagined so many years ago that my brother would be the only one to reach 30? Tony died of a heart attack on February 1, 2002. A heart attack and hadn't even reached his 21st birthday. http://theantmillproject.com/index.html

I usually spend Memorial day at Arlington Cemetery, this year I was out of town so I went the Sunday before. The normal crowds were there; with tourist season in full swing, there were plenty of tour groups on the grounds. But when you go to Arlington, you'll notice as the larger crowds head up the tourist route to see JFK's grave, the Tomb of the Unknowns and Arlington House, there are a few of us who break off from the crowds and head left down Eisenhower Rd where not many people walk. If you happen to pass someone, you give them a nod of your head, knowing where they came from; it's those who pass you in their cars that gives you the knot in your throat. After about 10 or so minutes I make a left onto York Road.

Section 60. I wish I had no one to visit here. But where I once had one person to visit, I now have three. I drop a stone whenever I go by.

60-8564: Christopher John-Lee West.  I met his sister on one of my cruises. We had lots to bond about; both of our brothers were in the military, CJ in the Army. In 2007/2008 both of them were in Iraq. CJ was killed by a IED 4 Feb 2008.

60-9179: Travis L. Manion. I didn't know him. He graduated from the Academy with my brother and he was Brendan's roommate and friend and that is enough. http://www.travismanion.com/

60-9180: Brendan John Looney. I don't think I've ever felt the physical impact of emotions as I did when I heard of Brendan's death. It literally hurt. His family and mine had wandered the DeMatha/NAPS/USNA path together and having him gone still seems wrong.

I hope because the President mentioned Travis and Brendan in his Memorial day speech hoards of people don't descend on Section 60 for a photo op. There are families everyday still grieving, they deserve the same respect and privacy due anyone at any cemetery.

I'm Off the Clock.

"I'm not getting engaged/married just because 'it became time to do so.' Who invented this imaginary clock? I'm not taking that step until I find 'the one.' And if I die before then I'll have a bomb ass bachelor life. You know what I mean?"

That's a quote by a friend from a discussion on relationships and the increasing number of men (and some women) we know who are settling down and getting engaged/married for no other reason because 'it's time'. They're in a relationship with someone and since it's 'time', they're gonna take the plunge and settle down with them. Wow. Un-fraking-believeable. Somehow, they have managed to turn what is suppose to be one of the most important, beautiful moments in a persons life into a trip to Jiffy Lube. 

Relationships are not cars; they don't have a required maintenance schedule that you need to adhere to while you are in them. 

There's a 50% divorce rate in this country, why? I have a number of ideas as to why this is and I could go on for days, but I'll stick with three. My main reasons would be expecting their partner to change, the whole 'it's time' issue, and not being prepared for marriage.  

They'll Be Different After We're Married

"They'll stop smoking/drinking/going out so much/leaving the toilet seat up/hitting me/spending so much money/let me spend more time with my friends...after we're married."  

What are you smoking? If they haven't changed by this point or suffered an extreme blow to the head, what dream world are you living in that you will somehow change them? Because you love them? As Tina said, what's love got to do with it? If they were gonna change for you they would have done it already. They haven't which means they aren't. If they say they will when....or maybe... that means no, they aren't or won't be. So stop fooling yourself and get out while you can.

"It's Time" for me to settle down...

Well don't you just feel special now? You just happen to be the one there when your boy/girlfriend has decided that they need to settle down.You're not 'the one' you're convenient. Haven't you always wanted to be 7-11? The problem with 7-11 is that you can't get what you really need there; the important, substantial stuff that you'd get at the grocery store. 

I believe in love. I would like to one day find that man who I've been waiting for and will love me and treat me as I deserve, marry, and pop out a couple of kids. But I will not settle for the wrong man or the wrong relationship because 'it's time'.

Not Being Prepared for Marriage

 I love you, let's get married. Sorry, not a reason to get married. Love is great, but not a reason to get married.

• Do you want kids? 
• How's your credit? 
• Are we buying a house or renting? 
• What happens if one of our parents gets sick? 
• Who's in charge of paying the bills? 
• Who cooks? 
• Do you get along with your family? What are we going to do when/if they visit? 
• What happens if one of us can no longer work? 
• Do we have the same beliefs in God?  
• Who's gonna clean the bathroom? 

These are just some of the questions that should be asked either at the beginning of a relationship or well into it if you're thinking of getting married.Kids and religion are some big topics to not be in agreement on and waiting til after the ceremony is over to see where you stand on them is just asking for an appearance before the divorce court judge. When shit hits the fan and yall aren't in agreement, love vanishes real quick and bitterness and contempt take its place.

 

It's time to stop being selfish about what WE want and need, because if we truly cared about the other person in these kinds of relationships, would we really do this to them?

I've made up my mind here and now; I'd rather spend the rest of my life single childless than be miserable in a marriage and bring children into that situation; it's not fair to them or to me.

Aunt Flo and her 7 moods

I'm going to over share, cause I just feel like doing that tonight. 

As a female from age12 til about our mid 50's, mother nature let's us know every month that we can have babies.  And barring that first time where we're elated because 'we're women now' and all that fun stuff and the last time where 'we're no longer women cause we can't have babies anymore' stuff, most months are pretty mundane.  Most. 

But some months Aunt Flo likes to visit with one or more of her moods. I like to compare them to the seven dwarfs, but not exactly like them because I, of course, had to put my own twist on them.  Happy, Dopey, Sleepy, Horny, Crazy, Bitchy, and Bloated. Now you may or may not have experienced these moods yourself or you may have one that you would like to add (feel free to.) These are the ones that I have personally come across over my now two decades in womanhood. (damn it's been that long?!)

1. Happy - The best mood of the all! You are perfectly normal. And it doesn't even feel like 'that time' for you. You're happy, everyone's happy, it's wonderful.

2. Dopey - You are not your normal self. At all. You're making Anna Nicole Smith look like a double major at M.I.T. and God forbid someone ask you what 2 + 2 is! People ask you questions and they have to repeat themselves three times before you can actually understand what they're saying. It's as sad state.

3. Sleepy - Why did you even get out of bed this morning? You fell asleep sitting in traffic and you were late coming in to work cause you fell asleep in the parking lot. There's now a knot on your heat cause you slammed your head against the desk when it fell outta your hands and no amount of coffee or energy drink is gonna wake you up, you need your bed.

4. Horny - You have reverted back to the primal nature of man 10,000 years ago and it's taking every fiber of your being not to attack and ravage every fine and/or nice smelling man that passes your way.  It just may be safer for you and most of the male population to stay home the next few days.

5. Crazy - You aren't making any sense. Your friends are saying you're acting crazy, so is your family. Your boss is asking if everything is ok with you. Basically, you have lost your damn mind for no reason. Proceed to the nearest CVS and buy so Midol, ASAP.

6. Bitchy - Most people would put Bitchy and Crazy together, but there's a difference between the two. Bitchy means you're complaining about any and everything, even if it for no apparent reason. Crazy, you can start out as Bitchy, and then head off into space.

7. Bloated - Remember that scene from Ghostbusters when Staypuff the Marshmallow Man comes down the street?  That's how most of us feel when we're bloated and can't fit into any of our clothes and are sitting in our living room on a Friday night bitching on the phone with our girlfriends about stupid designers and how fat we feel.

Yeah, I know, I over shared, but I hope I amused you somewhat.

Friendships and off ramps.

I wrote this as an open letter for anyone that's realized like I have that it may be time to clean house. It's a sad and humbling moment to realize that you may need to let go of some friends but if they're meant to be around, they'll be around. Fate is funny that way.

*********************
Friend,

This may be coming as a surprise to you, it may not, but for me, it needs to be done.

I can no longer accept our friendship as it stands. It is unbalanced. I can't remember the last time you called me and asked how I was. Do you know how I'm doing? What I'm doing? Some of the things I'm going through in my life right now at home, work, school, or with my family? I didn't think you did.

The majority of our phone calls involve me calling you asking how you are, your issues, welling being, e.g. If friendships, like any relationship, are about give and take, you've been taking more than you've given for far too long. I have no more left to give. I am tapped out, throwing in the towel. I'm not putting all the effort into this friendship anymore. No longer. I'm not calling, not texting, emailing, facebooking...you get the idea. If you want this to get back to the friendship we had before, it's time for you to put in work.

But if you don't want to continue this friendship, I'm ok with that. Really, I am. If it's time for us to move on, so be it. Because sometimes that's what happens in life, we meet people, they come on and off our travels down life's road, sometimes they stay for the long run, sometimes it's short. Maybe this is our off ramp.

The decision to stay on or get off is yours.

Me.

Coversations with my 2 year old self.

Aunt Dana fraked up with Mini-me. I have to apologize to the niece for not sharing the coat I was using weekend in the car as my covers. She's at that highly impressionable, all about me age and the request for me to give up my blanket, when answered by my, "but I'm cold" was not met with very well. 

Now in my head I was saying, "But I'm cold, and isn't there another coat? Cause I used it earlier when we went through this before on our way down to grandma's". But what you want to say, and what actually comes out of your mouth are two different things when you're running on 6 hours of sleep and pushing your 17th hour of being awake. Yeah, Auntie lost her mind, I admit it. So now, I get to have a sit down and have a conversation with my 2 year old self, honestly, I never saw this happening.

Unblocking Myself

Three months in and I am still under construction, yet I am content at where I am so far and looking forward to where I have to go. I've let go of a lot of stuff, realized some stuff about me that I'm not proud of and had me questioning myself and thinking a lot of who and what I've thought of myself as and who I've associated myself with. It was hard and it wasn't pretty.  Much of want I've wanted out of life I've potentially blocked from myself with the people that I have placed in my life. It looks like it's time for me to unblock myself.

I know I'll be letting go of some issues and some people. I'm fine with that, it's time for it anyway, some things you just out grow, but I'm growing into and expanding other relationships as those fall away. Season is changing.

Is it hard to face? Not hard, sad; letting go is always hard. Ring now, I am physically and mentally changing on a weekly basis, I'm not going to be the person I was 3 months ago, let alone 3 years ago! Expecting many of the same people that I've had in my life over the years to be around now isn't likely to happen and that's ok. It's ok.

I can't live in a nation of idiots.

Have you noticed the extreme number of stupid people there seem to be in the world right now? No really, there are a lot of idiots out there right now. It use to be every so often, mother nature would get her scrub brush (some kind of plague or sweeping illness) to come along and wipe out a large portion of humanity and clean up the gene pool a bit.  But, she hasn't done that in awhile, so what happens, the pool gets a little dirty, and over run...with stupid people.

You're probably thinking to yourself, 'oh my, Dana, that's harsh'. Really? In your day to day life, how many idiots do you know? I mean IDIOTS. The type of people that you wonder often how they made it to adulthood.  That can't seem to accomplish a single, simple task on their own. Someone that, if we were living in the time of the warriors of Sparta, they would have been left on a mountain top for wolves at birth or in some cases, just tossing them off, like what Hera (or Zeus depending on the telling) did to Hephaestus. (That's right, I went Greek mythology on ya!)

I think we're getting dumber as a people in general. We don't read anymore, we don't right, we don't allow ourselves to be creative anymore. How many TV shows and movies are coming out of hollywood nowadays are remakes of old tv shows and movies? Where's the originality? I remember spending hours outside playing as a kid and now it seems kids spend more time inside trapped, in a box, stifling their creativity, their mind.

We became such a strong nation because of our innate American ability to be able to think and see unlike any other country in the world, and now that we're becoming like every other country in the world, we're losing that which made us different, special.  We need to get it back, back to that creativity and uniqueness. Because I can't live in a nation of idiots. It gives me a headache just working with idiots and I for damn sure won't raise my children to be part of them!

I'll go Sicilian on you.

I had an interesting conversation with my mother today. I posed a situation to her of someone agreeing to attend a function with you, then nearly at the last minute, backing out of the function for a seemingly legit reason. Yet, you find out later that this person not only went out on the same day they were to attend your function, they were near by. Her response was, 'Maybe they like to avoid confrontation.' I literally pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it like it was crazy. There's avoiding confrontation and then there are bold face lies. I don't like liars.

I mentioned before that it takes me a very long time to warm up to people and for you to even reach the point where I include you in my close circle of friends is a great feat. But being in that circle to me is like being in the mob; once you're in, you're in and if you ever do anything to cause yourself to fall out of that circle, you're dead to me. Dead. Yes, I go Sicilian on your ass. I expect honesty from my friends. I may not like it, I may be upset and hurt by it but at least it's the truth. You always will get that from me. If anyone ever questions where they stand with me or what I think of them, all you need to do is ask. I will tell you. I won't half ass or pussyfoot around what I think, I'll let you know straight up. Why? Because in the world, especially the DC metro area, we live in too many people are concerned with peoples 'feelings' and worry about what others think of them.

I'm not concerned about your feelings, let's get that straight right there.  That's for you and your shrink to worry about. I am not here to make you feel better about yourself.  My concern is that you know that I'm a person of integrity, and will always stand by my word. If I make a mistake, I will own up to it and do my damndest to correct it. Period.

Is it wrong to expect your friends to that in your friends as well? I don't think so. Friendships are relationships as well. The good ones build you and change you into a better person, the bad ones are just there wasting your time and energy and draining your wallet.

Mature love to me.

I miss love. It's been awhile since I've been in love, I'd like to be there again.This is the first time in a long while that I'm actually feeling this way so I'm taking it as a good sign. Before, I would always say it with a 'but' at the end: 'I want someone, but...' Now it's; 'I want someone and...' Well, the 'and' now is it will be more mature and right than anything I've had in the past. My gut tells me this next love will actually be it, my husband hunt will be over and the credits can run. (Yeah, no sequels.)

I've been thinking a lot about mature love and what it means to me. When we're younger, I think dating and the relationships we go through and experience prepare us for what we do and do not what in a relationship, and as we get older, we're suppose to recognize this more quickly in others so we can weed out the good and the bad so we can find out mates, settle down and start our families. (Some have much more success at this and others.) But here's what I've found so far:

Mature love makes you a better person. The person you're with makes you grow and mature to become more than you are now than who you were when you were single.

Mature love isn't petty.  We shouldn't be experiencing the same jealousy and insecurity issues in our 30's that we did in our 20's. It is beyond the pettiness that existed in our younger days. It was in our younger days for us to experience, know, and move beyond. If you keep ending up with people with the same issues, maybe the problem doesn't lie with them.

Mature love is adapting. There are times where we hit ruff patches and hard times, family losses. Instead of the usual 50/50, it may be 90/10, 30/70, or 63/37 it'll just happen that way sometimes, cause in life, shit happens. The question is how you handle it.

Mature love is being on the same page from day 1. I like red meat, politics, white guys, guns, sex, and sci-fi. Marrying a vegan, non-news watching Nigerian anti-gun Liberal virgin is not even in my library. You need to talk with each other. Often.

Mature love isn't selfish. If you're thinking more of 'we' instead of 'me', you're on the right path. It's not about putting the other person first, it's about putting the two of you as a unit, together, first.

I want a mature love, someone who can make me giddy and give me butterflies yet not be stupid/irresponsible in love. Now that I'm older and wiser and more ready, I can do that. I'm a little old for stupid teenager antics.

Kids & Bullies: Build up their self esteem!

I keep hearing these commercials on TV and the radio about bullies; bully awareness I guess you can call it, telling kids that they need to report being bullied to teachers and parents. Also, letting other kids know what they can do to help other kids out.  But am I the only one thinking that they're not getting to the heart of the matter as to why kids are bullied in the first place?  They are bullied because they are seen as weak. And in all aspects of nature and society the weak are always preyed upon by the strong. Always. "But it's not fair.", I can hear you say. Yeah, but life's not fair. When you popped outta your mamma, the doctor never said life was gonna be peaches and cream for you when he spanked you on the ass.

Perhaps we should be building kids self-esteem up instead of teaching them to just run for help?

How do we do this? Self defense classes? Involving kids in activities that they are good at that gives them confidence in themselves to know they are good at something? Activities with their peers in the same types of so they'll have friends that enjoy the same stuff they do? Starting them off early and often in these things and being active and involved parents so you know what's going on in your child's life?

It irks me to no end that I keep hearing how to solve the BULLY problem but not how to solve the SELF ESTEEM problem that gets the kids picked on/beat up in the first place. Over time, this problem will go beyond school, it will go into the workplace and government. You won't get anywhere career wise if you're seen as weak. You'll constantly be looked over and walked over for promotions. And do we really need our nation to be seen as weak and easily picked on, unable to stand-up for ourselves? We're getting pretty close to that already, aren't we?

Grown-up manuals.

Why is it so hard to find a grown-up nowadays? I've always said when looking for a man to settle down with, he should have the holy trinity as the foundation; that it's so top 3 that they should be considered -2. -1, and 0. A job, a place of his own, and a car. (The car is negotiable, if you live in a city like NYC, but for areas like the DC Metro...it's a must.) I'm old school, I think the man should be preparing himself for a family and a home so having all of this things says to me, "Yes, I'm ready for a wife and kids." Of course there are other things that are very important that you will need, but those are a pretty strong foundation to start with. 

Here's my problem; Society has pretty much told us we can delay growing up as long as possible. (You can stay on your parents insurance til you're 26 now, 26!! Are you frakin kidding me?!) Stay in college for as long as possible, don't get a job, keep taking out loans, and by the time you're FINALLY ready to graduate, your tens of thousands of dollars in debut with a bachelors, sometimes a masters degree, that does you no good because you can't do anything. No one told you that you should get a job while you're in school because it makes you look good to potential employers. And working certain jobs will give you those nice benefits your parents always talked about and stressed to you about looking for and getting in your future career. That some jobs will actually PAY for you to go to school, so you and your parents are stuck forking over the bill for decades after your degree is finished. And you haven't even been out in the real world yet where you get to experience the good and bad of corporate America!!

And ladies wonder why it's so damn hard to find a good man! SMDH, We should just give up and start over and write most of these guys off already cause they aren't gonna grow up anytime soon.

Bald and purseless.

There's this really great band one of my girls got me hooked on, Lost in Paris, that I try to catch whenever they're in town, and tonight was one of those nights.  Now being firmly set in the 30 and over crowd, things that use to not annoy me before are things that may get another heifer elbowed/kneed/slapped/me kicked out the bar/club. Youngin's, here are some basic bar/club manners to keep you from being the person from being elbowed/kneed/slapped/taken out on a stretcher from the bar/club:

Long hair: If you have long hair, don't flip it all over the place there are people behind you. Keep flipping it in the wrong persons face, you may no longer have long hair.

The girl that can't dance: You know you can't dance. Please stop trying. All of the people in the club that can (90% are ethnic) are talking about you. STOP RIGHT NOW! You look like you're re-enacting Woodstock, and they're playing a merengue.

The Creeper: Why are you the one guy in front of the stage? There are 20 girls around you dancing and you're stalking the band. Creepy.

The Creeper 2: There are 20 girls dancing around you and you're standing in the middle of them like the kid about to piss in the middle of the pool. You're not even trying to dance up on one of them, you're just standing there,  that's not cool man, that's creepy.

The girl who THINKS she can dance: If your friends liked you, they'd stop you jerking around on the dance floor like you were Elaine from Seinfeild.  So either they really don't like you, or they're just as terrible as you are either answer is sad.

Leave your suitcase at home: Ladies, why are you bringing your big ass purse with you to the bar/club?  What could you possibly be bringin with you in that thing that is SO important that you can't leave it in the car or at home?

Lastly, there's a general space rule when you're at a packed bar, granted, there's limited spaced, but unless you're dancing with another person, there's a general zone you give people in front and behind you of comfort. DON'T EXCEED YOUR ZONE.

I love LiP, but someone needs to teach these youngins how to roll after hours before they end up bald and purse-less.

Know when to RUN.

My friend Lisa posted this YEARS ago. I'm stealing again, but I'm pulling out some highly important facts but as always, a good read.
*************

If you meet a woman and she tells you she loves you on the first date. RUN

If you meet a woman and you and her have sex on the first date, unless you have no intentions on calling her EVER again, don't' pretend like your going to call her the next day. This is why some women become stalkers. Just because she gave you some of the first date doesn't mean she's a hoe or that she gave it up to everyone on the first date. She might have been horny, fell for your tired line or just needed some 'maintenance". If you like her company and want to see her again, don't try to pull up the fact that she gave it up on the first date as a reason NOT to see her. She might NOT want to see u again. Consider this, if you were so hot to want to have sex with HER on the first date, she might be thinking YOU have issues also and NOT call YOU afterwards (especially if it wasn't that good to her)

Don't pretend to like what she likes because you want to have sex with her. If she's going to give you some, she will but lying will not make her give it to you any faster. For example, if you HATE foreign movies and she has a 100 DVD collection of them, DON'T DATE HER unless you are going to change your mind. You aren't going to change hers Likewise, if she HATES house music and you play it constantly, it is really not going to work out between you.

If you see a women you think is attractive and she tells you that she doesn't think you're her type MOVE ON! She knows what she likes and dislikes, whether she's a model and you're a 'nerdy' type, she's a bohemian style and your Brooks Brothers suit type, LET IT GO. Don't call her a bitch; don't try to change her mind. MOVE ON. There are more women out there who go for "YOUR TYPE", look for them. She's just not into you.

Don't' call a woman a bitch, hoe, slut because she cut off your game mid stride. She's just not into you. Period. Nothing you did. She's NOT interested. If she were, she would have taken your business card/number when you offered it. If she didn't, she doesn't. MOVE ON to someone who will

If you meet a woman and begin dating, if she fails to inform you that she has a child or children who live with other relatives, LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER. If a woman will lie (and she is lying, make no mistake about that) about her child, she WILL lie about ANYTHING. Doesn't matter if the child is away for the summer, the week, spring break, etc, she failed to INFORM YOU. It shows her character.

If you are dating more than one woman, doesn't matter if you have having sex with one or all of them, TELL ALL OF THEM. While 1-2 may decide to not date you, 1-2 women may decide to continue. FULL DISCLOSURE MEANS FULL DISCLOSURE. Nothing will make a women turn off your more than when her friends tell her that they saw you with someone else in public. She's been embarrassed and humiliated and believe me, YOU are going to bear the brunt of it if you have lead her to believe by your actions or inactions the she was the ONLY person you were dealing with.  Full disclosure doesn't mean you have to compare breast sizes and oral skill assessments, but let her know simply by saying, "I need to let you know upfront that I am dating other people. If this is a PROBLEM or you are uncomfortable with that fact, let me know right now and we can end this date. No harm, no foul."  If she says no, then later begins to indicate by her actions that she doesn't like this situation, STOP DATING HER.

If a woman indicates that she had went through a previous boyfriend's cell phone, broke into his email, checked his home/work/cell voicemail or followed a previous boyfriend because she suspected he was "cheating" on her, LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER. SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU. She had mental health issues that need to be addressed. Any one who will go thru such 'length' is not mentally stable, no matter how good she is in bed.

If a woman tells you she has keyed up an ex's car, broken his home windows, had public arguments with ex's, had fist fights with ex's and other women, has come to an ex's job and had public altercations, had public altercations at family gathering with ex's. LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER, SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU. There is a difference between having a private argument in a public place and NO ONE knew it was an argument and 2 people yelling, cursing and screaming at each other in a public place and they were kicked out of an establishment or were threatened with law enforcement being summoned.

If a woman has a history of cheating on her boyfriends, most of her ex boyfriends are married (and were married when they were dating) STRONGLY CONSIDER if you want to have a committed relationship with her UNLESS she indicates that she has undergone counseling to see why she picked unavailable men in her past. A woman, when they realize when they have a 'dating' pattern (negative) will seek counseling and work on issues related to intimacy/commitment. Once she realizes why, she'll better understand her dating past and will NOT return to it.

Stay away from women who have recently been in an abusive relationship (mental, physical, emotionally) regardless how much she's "healed" she's just starting to live life without the abusive partner, she needs to get herself healthy emotionally before she can consider dating, let alone sex. Women who have been in abusive relationships need to work on skills that a nice, normal guy is not equipped to handle. While she might be the nicest person in the world, you are not mentally, physically, emotionally prepared to deal with her and her past and you do not possess the psychological training to help her get back to stage 1.

Having sex with a long term friend WILL change the nature of the relationship. Don't kid yourself. If she was decent in bed, you're going to want to hit it again. If she starts dating someone, you're going to get upset when she won't respond to you calls for sex (because if he's a keeper, she's not giving you anymore)

If you meet a woman and after sex she begins planning 'mini-vacations' for the both of you, STOP. While trips are nice, instant relationships are not. If a woman begins making travel plans for the rest of the year as a 'couple' RUN. She obviously has commitment issues and having sex with her only made it worse.

If you begin dating someone near her birthday and you are a romantic guy, there's nothing wrong with a TASTEFUL and APPROPRIATE birthday celebration. (dinner or small token gift) otherwise, dinner and a movie is fine. If she has plans made before you both met, don't get upset. Make arrangements to spend time together before or after her birthday.

If you begin dating someone and it's near YOUR birthday, same rule as above applies. If you are NOT going to spend your birthday with her because of prior commitments (going to parents house, etc) let her know in advance and plan to hang out with her, either the day before or the day after.

DON'T meet her parents unless you are serious. When I mean serious, I mean COMMITMENT serious. NO sense in pretending a future where there is none. Regardless of whether she's 'family' oriented. She can spend time with her family and time with you, you don't have to be around her family constantly and unless you like being on display, limit your contact with her family if she is not the only women you are dating.

If you are around her family, notice the dynamics: Are the family dynamics 'fractured'? Do you see tons of single women and children? Are there NO men in your age group who are 'married' or committed to any of the women present? Are there tons of children running around and no men? Are the women present complaining about how "so and so's" no good man/husband/ boyfriend just got out of jail? Are they complaining about men in general? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Dating Application

Ok, this is one I stole from Lisa, but it's too funny not to post.

Name

Last

First

Middle

Address:

Address

City

State

Zip

Telephone:

Home

Work

Cell

Date of Birth:

Age

SSN

Weight

Height

Ethnicity: (check)

Black

Hispanic

White

Other

Do you live with any of the following: (circle)

Grandmother

Parents

Mother

Father

Girlfriend

Baby's Mama

Alone

Shelter

Wife

Auntie

Other

Any Children? (circle yes or no)

Yes

No

If yes, how many

How many Baby's Mamas?

If more than one, please name below. Use separate sheet of paper if need more room.

1.

2.

3.

Ever been married (circle )

Yes

No

If yes, how many times?

Are you or have you ever been on the Down Low*? (circle one)

Yes

No

(*If you answer 'Yes' STOP RIGHT HERE )

Do you owe child support*?

Yes

No

Don't Know

*If your ex-wife is getting state benefits (childcare, food stamps, etc), then you owe somebody something. Especially tax payers.   Stop here and go take care of your kids.

Education:

Did you graduate from high school? (circle )

Yes

No

Name of high school (if yes)

Have you received any of the following*? (Circle One)

GED

Diploma

Nothing

*If you did not complete any of the above, please Stop here and return to school.

Any college? (circle one)

Yes

No

Still Enrolled:

Yes

No

Graduated

History:

Have you ever been to jail? (circle one)

Yes

No

If yes, what for? (be very specific)

Have you ever been to prison*? (circle one)

Yes

No

*If you have answered yes to the above question, please Stop here and call your P.O. immediately.

Employed*? (circle)

Yes

No

*If no, please Stop here and go get one.

If yes, where and how long?

Do you have health insurance?

Yes

No

When did you last visit the dentist?

Date

When was the last time you have been to the doctor?

Date

What for?

List any (all) illnesses. Use separate sheet of paper if needed.

Do you have or have you had any of the following*?(please circle all that may apply)

Hepatitis A or  B or C

Herpes

Mononucleosis

HIV/AIDS

The Bird Flu

West Nile Virus

Crabs

Chlamydia

Gonorrhea

SARS

Head Lice

Ringworms

Boils

Sex Change

Shingles

Meningitis

Measles

Mumps

Ebola

Bunions

Virus

Something that you can't spell

*If you have circled any of these, Stop here do NOT turn in your application. See the doctor immediately!

Do you or have you ever used (ingested in any way) any of the following: (circle all that apply)

Crack/Cocaine

Heroin

Paint Markers

Ecstasy

Glue

Bad pills

Snuff

Anything under the kitchen sink

*Please use a separate sheet of paper to compile a list of goals and accomplishments.

By signing below, you agree that all of the information given above is true to the best of your knowledge. For my protection, you may be asked to provide the following information upon request: state ID, birth certificate, recent payroll stub, a recent clean bill of health from a certified physician or practitioner.

Falsifying information may result in termination of this relationship (if applicable), and a severe beat-down by my cousins Woodie-Earl, Billie Ray, Bubba, Pookie, Ray-Ray, Darnell, Lil Krazy or all of the above.

Applicants Name/Signature

Date

Print Name:

Signature: