I'm Off the Clock.

"I'm not getting engaged/married just because 'it became time to do so.' Who invented this imaginary clock? I'm not taking that step until I find 'the one.' And if I die before then I'll have a bomb ass bachelor life. You know what I mean?"

That's a quote by a friend from a discussion on relationships and the increasing number of men (and some women) we know who are settling down and getting engaged/married for no other reason because 'it's time'. They're in a relationship with someone and since it's 'time', they're gonna take the plunge and settle down with them. Wow. Un-fraking-believeable. Somehow, they have managed to turn what is suppose to be one of the most important, beautiful moments in a persons life into a trip to Jiffy Lube. 

Relationships are not cars; they don't have a required maintenance schedule that you need to adhere to while you are in them. 

There's a 50% divorce rate in this country, why? I have a number of ideas as to why this is and I could go on for days, but I'll stick with three. My main reasons would be expecting their partner to change, the whole 'it's time' issue, and not being prepared for marriage.  

They'll Be Different After We're Married

"They'll stop smoking/drinking/going out so much/leaving the toilet seat up/hitting me/spending so much money/let me spend more time with my friends...after we're married."  

What are you smoking? If they haven't changed by this point or suffered an extreme blow to the head, what dream world are you living in that you will somehow change them? Because you love them? As Tina said, what's love got to do with it? If they were gonna change for you they would have done it already. They haven't which means they aren't. If they say they will when....or maybe... that means no, they aren't or won't be. So stop fooling yourself and get out while you can.

"It's Time" for me to settle down...

Well don't you just feel special now? You just happen to be the one there when your boy/girlfriend has decided that they need to settle down.You're not 'the one' you're convenient. Haven't you always wanted to be 7-11? The problem with 7-11 is that you can't get what you really need there; the important, substantial stuff that you'd get at the grocery store. 

I believe in love. I would like to one day find that man who I've been waiting for and will love me and treat me as I deserve, marry, and pop out a couple of kids. But I will not settle for the wrong man or the wrong relationship because 'it's time'.

Not Being Prepared for Marriage

 I love you, let's get married. Sorry, not a reason to get married. Love is great, but not a reason to get married.

• Do you want kids? 
• How's your credit? 
• Are we buying a house or renting? 
• What happens if one of our parents gets sick? 
• Who's in charge of paying the bills? 
• Who cooks? 
• Do you get along with your family? What are we going to do when/if they visit? 
• What happens if one of us can no longer work? 
• Do we have the same beliefs in God?  
• Who's gonna clean the bathroom? 

These are just some of the questions that should be asked either at the beginning of a relationship or well into it if you're thinking of getting married.Kids and religion are some big topics to not be in agreement on and waiting til after the ceremony is over to see where you stand on them is just asking for an appearance before the divorce court judge. When shit hits the fan and yall aren't in agreement, love vanishes real quick and bitterness and contempt take its place.

 

It's time to stop being selfish about what WE want and need, because if we truly cared about the other person in these kinds of relationships, would we really do this to them?

I've made up my mind here and now; I'd rather spend the rest of my life single childless than be miserable in a marriage and bring children into that situation; it's not fair to them or to me.

Aunt Flo and her 7 moods

I'm going to over share, cause I just feel like doing that tonight. 

As a female from age12 til about our mid 50's, mother nature let's us know every month that we can have babies.  And barring that first time where we're elated because 'we're women now' and all that fun stuff and the last time where 'we're no longer women cause we can't have babies anymore' stuff, most months are pretty mundane.  Most. 

But some months Aunt Flo likes to visit with one or more of her moods. I like to compare them to the seven dwarfs, but not exactly like them because I, of course, had to put my own twist on them.  Happy, Dopey, Sleepy, Horny, Crazy, Bitchy, and Bloated. Now you may or may not have experienced these moods yourself or you may have one that you would like to add (feel free to.) These are the ones that I have personally come across over my now two decades in womanhood. (damn it's been that long?!)

1. Happy - The best mood of the all! You are perfectly normal. And it doesn't even feel like 'that time' for you. You're happy, everyone's happy, it's wonderful.

2. Dopey - You are not your normal self. At all. You're making Anna Nicole Smith look like a double major at M.I.T. and God forbid someone ask you what 2 + 2 is! People ask you questions and they have to repeat themselves three times before you can actually understand what they're saying. It's as sad state.

3. Sleepy - Why did you even get out of bed this morning? You fell asleep sitting in traffic and you were late coming in to work cause you fell asleep in the parking lot. There's now a knot on your heat cause you slammed your head against the desk when it fell outta your hands and no amount of coffee or energy drink is gonna wake you up, you need your bed.

4. Horny - You have reverted back to the primal nature of man 10,000 years ago and it's taking every fiber of your being not to attack and ravage every fine and/or nice smelling man that passes your way.  It just may be safer for you and most of the male population to stay home the next few days.

5. Crazy - You aren't making any sense. Your friends are saying you're acting crazy, so is your family. Your boss is asking if everything is ok with you. Basically, you have lost your damn mind for no reason. Proceed to the nearest CVS and buy so Midol, ASAP.

6. Bitchy - Most people would put Bitchy and Crazy together, but there's a difference between the two. Bitchy means you're complaining about any and everything, even if it for no apparent reason. Crazy, you can start out as Bitchy, and then head off into space.

7. Bloated - Remember that scene from Ghostbusters when Staypuff the Marshmallow Man comes down the street?  That's how most of us feel when we're bloated and can't fit into any of our clothes and are sitting in our living room on a Friday night bitching on the phone with our girlfriends about stupid designers and how fat we feel.

Yeah, I know, I over shared, but I hope I amused you somewhat.