I wrote this as an open letter for anyone that's realized like I have that it may be time to clean house. It's a sad and humbling moment to realize that you may need to let go of some friends but if they're meant to be around, they'll be around. Fate is funny that way.
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Friend,
This may be coming as a surprise to you, it may not, but for me, it needs to be done.
I can no longer accept our friendship as it stands. It is unbalanced. I can't remember the last time you called me and asked how I was. Do you know how I'm doing? What I'm doing? Some of the things I'm going through in my life right now at home, work, school, or with my family? I didn't think you did.
The majority of our phone calls involve me calling you asking how you are, your issues, welling being, e.g. If friendships, like any relationship, are about give and take, you've been taking more than you've given for far too long. I have no more left to give. I am tapped out, throwing in the towel. I'm not putting all the effort into this friendship anymore. No longer. I'm not calling, not texting, emailing, facebooking...you get the idea. If you want this to get back to the friendship we had before, it's time for you to put in work.
But if you don't want to continue this friendship, I'm ok with that. Really, I am. If it's time for us to move on, so be it. Because sometimes that's what happens in life, we meet people, they come on and off our travels down life's road, sometimes they stay for the long run, sometimes it's short. Maybe this is our off ramp.
The decision to stay on or get off is yours.
Me.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Coversations with my 2 year old self.
Aunt Dana fraked up with Mini-me. I have to apologize to the niece for not sharing the coat I was using weekend in the car as my covers. She's at that highly impressionable, all about me age and the request for me to give up my blanket, when answered by my, "but I'm cold" was not met with very well.
Now in my head I was saying, "But I'm cold, and isn't there another coat? Cause I used it earlier when we went through this before on our way down to grandma's". But what you want to say, and what actually comes out of your mouth are two different things when you're running on 6 hours of sleep and pushing your 17th hour of being awake. Yeah, Auntie lost her mind, I admit it. So now, I get to have a sit down and have a conversation with my 2 year old self, honestly, I never saw this happening.
Now in my head I was saying, "But I'm cold, and isn't there another coat? Cause I used it earlier when we went through this before on our way down to grandma's". But what you want to say, and what actually comes out of your mouth are two different things when you're running on 6 hours of sleep and pushing your 17th hour of being awake. Yeah, Auntie lost her mind, I admit it. So now, I get to have a sit down and have a conversation with my 2 year old self, honestly, I never saw this happening.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Unblocking Myself
Three months in and I am still under construction, yet I am content at where I am so far and looking forward to where I have to go. I've let go of a lot of stuff, realized some stuff about me that I'm not proud of and had me questioning myself and thinking a lot of who and what I've thought of myself as and who I've associated myself with. It was hard and it wasn't pretty. Much of want I've wanted out of life I've potentially blocked from myself with the people that I have placed in my life. It looks like it's time for me to unblock myself.
I know I'll be letting go of some issues and some people. I'm fine with that, it's time for it anyway, some things you just out grow, but I'm growing into and expanding other relationships as those fall away. Season is changing.
Is it hard to face? Not hard, sad; letting go is always hard. Ring now, I am physically and mentally changing on a weekly basis, I'm not going to be the person I was 3 months ago, let alone 3 years ago! Expecting many of the same people that I've had in my life over the years to be around now isn't likely to happen and that's ok. It's ok.
I know I'll be letting go of some issues and some people. I'm fine with that, it's time for it anyway, some things you just out grow, but I'm growing into and expanding other relationships as those fall away. Season is changing.
Is it hard to face? Not hard, sad; letting go is always hard. Ring now, I am physically and mentally changing on a weekly basis, I'm not going to be the person I was 3 months ago, let alone 3 years ago! Expecting many of the same people that I've had in my life over the years to be around now isn't likely to happen and that's ok. It's ok.
Monday, April 11, 2011
I can't live in a nation of idiots.
Have you noticed the extreme number of stupid people there seem to be in the world right now? No really, there are a lot of idiots out there right now. It use to be every so often, mother nature would get her scrub brush (some kind of plague or sweeping illness) to come along and wipe out a large portion of humanity and clean up the gene pool a bit. But, she hasn't done that in awhile, so what happens, the pool gets a little dirty, and over run...with stupid people.
You're probably thinking to yourself, 'oh my, Dana, that's harsh'. Really? In your day to day life, how many idiots do you know? I mean IDIOTS. The type of people that you wonder often how they made it to adulthood. That can't seem to accomplish a single, simple task on their own. Someone that, if we were living in the time of the warriors of Sparta, they would have been left on a mountain top for wolves at birth or in some cases, just tossing them off, like what Hera (or Zeus depending on the telling) did to Hephaestus. (That's right, I went Greek mythology on ya!)
I think we're getting dumber as a people in general. We don't read anymore, we don't right, we don't allow ourselves to be creative anymore. How many TV shows and movies are coming out of hollywood nowadays are remakes of old tv shows and movies? Where's the originality? I remember spending hours outside playing as a kid and now it seems kids spend more time inside trapped, in a box, stifling their creativity, their mind.
We became such a strong nation because of our innate American ability to be able to think and see unlike any other country in the world, and now that we're becoming like every other country in the world, we're losing that which made us different, special. We need to get it back, back to that creativity and uniqueness. Because I can't live in a nation of idiots. It gives me a headache just working with idiots and I for damn sure won't raise my children to be part of them!
You're probably thinking to yourself, 'oh my, Dana, that's harsh'. Really? In your day to day life, how many idiots do you know? I mean IDIOTS. The type of people that you wonder often how they made it to adulthood. That can't seem to accomplish a single, simple task on their own. Someone that, if we were living in the time of the warriors of Sparta, they would have been left on a mountain top for wolves at birth or in some cases, just tossing them off, like what Hera (or Zeus depending on the telling) did to Hephaestus. (That's right, I went Greek mythology on ya!)
I think we're getting dumber as a people in general. We don't read anymore, we don't right, we don't allow ourselves to be creative anymore. How many TV shows and movies are coming out of hollywood nowadays are remakes of old tv shows and movies? Where's the originality? I remember spending hours outside playing as a kid and now it seems kids spend more time inside trapped, in a box, stifling their creativity, their mind.
We became such a strong nation because of our innate American ability to be able to think and see unlike any other country in the world, and now that we're becoming like every other country in the world, we're losing that which made us different, special. We need to get it back, back to that creativity and uniqueness. Because I can't live in a nation of idiots. It gives me a headache just working with idiots and I for damn sure won't raise my children to be part of them!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I'll go Sicilian on you.
I had an interesting conversation with my mother today. I posed a situation to her of someone agreeing to attend a function with you, then nearly at the last minute, backing out of the function for a seemingly legit reason. Yet, you find out later that this person not only went out on the same day they were to attend your function, they were near by. Her response was, 'Maybe they like to avoid confrontation.' I literally pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it like it was crazy. There's avoiding confrontation and then there are bold face lies. I don't like liars.
I mentioned before that it takes me a very long time to warm up to people and for you to even reach the point where I include you in my close circle of friends is a great feat. But being in that circle to me is like being in the mob; once you're in, you're in and if you ever do anything to cause yourself to fall out of that circle, you're dead to me. Dead. Yes, I go Sicilian on your ass. I expect honesty from my friends. I may not like it, I may be upset and hurt by it but at least it's the truth. You always will get that from me. If anyone ever questions where they stand with me or what I think of them, all you need to do is ask. I will tell you. I won't half ass or pussyfoot around what I think, I'll let you know straight up. Why? Because in the world, especially the DC metro area, we live in too many people are concerned with peoples 'feelings' and worry about what others think of them.
I'm not concerned about your feelings, let's get that straight right there. That's for you and your shrink to worry about. I am not here to make you feel better about yourself. My concern is that you know that I'm a person of integrity, and will always stand by my word. If I make a mistake, I will own up to it and do my damndest to correct it. Period.
Is it wrong to expect your friends to that in your friends as well? I don't think so. Friendships are relationships as well. The good ones build you and change you into a better person, the bad ones are just there wasting your time and energy and draining your wallet.
I mentioned before that it takes me a very long time to warm up to people and for you to even reach the point where I include you in my close circle of friends is a great feat. But being in that circle to me is like being in the mob; once you're in, you're in and if you ever do anything to cause yourself to fall out of that circle, you're dead to me. Dead. Yes, I go Sicilian on your ass. I expect honesty from my friends. I may not like it, I may be upset and hurt by it but at least it's the truth. You always will get that from me. If anyone ever questions where they stand with me or what I think of them, all you need to do is ask. I will tell you. I won't half ass or pussyfoot around what I think, I'll let you know straight up. Why? Because in the world, especially the DC metro area, we live in too many people are concerned with peoples 'feelings' and worry about what others think of them.
I'm not concerned about your feelings, let's get that straight right there. That's for you and your shrink to worry about. I am not here to make you feel better about yourself. My concern is that you know that I'm a person of integrity, and will always stand by my word. If I make a mistake, I will own up to it and do my damndest to correct it. Period.
Is it wrong to expect your friends to that in your friends as well? I don't think so. Friendships are relationships as well. The good ones build you and change you into a better person, the bad ones are just there wasting your time and energy and draining your wallet.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Mature love to me.
I miss love. It's been awhile since I've been in love, I'd like to be there again.This is the first time in a long while that I'm actually feeling this way so I'm taking it as a good sign. Before, I would always say it with a 'but' at the end: 'I want someone, but...' Now it's; 'I want someone and...' Well, the 'and' now is it will be more mature and right than anything I've had in the past. My gut tells me this next love will actually be it, my husband hunt will be over and the credits can run. (Yeah, no sequels.)
I've been thinking a lot about mature love and what it means to me. When we're younger, I think dating and the relationships we go through and experience prepare us for what we do and do not what in a relationship, and as we get older, we're suppose to recognize this more quickly in others so we can weed out the good and the bad so we can find out mates, settle down and start our families. (Some have much more success at this and others.) But here's what I've found so far:
Mature love makes you a better person. The person you're with makes you grow and mature to become more than you are now than who you were when you were single.
Mature love isn't petty. We shouldn't be experiencing the same jealousy and insecurity issues in our 30's that we did in our 20's. It is beyond the pettiness that existed in our younger days. It was in our younger days for us to experience, know, and move beyond. If you keep ending up with people with the same issues, maybe the problem doesn't lie with them.
Mature love is adapting. There are times where we hit ruff patches and hard times, family losses. Instead of the usual 50/50, it may be 90/10, 30/70, or 63/37 it'll just happen that way sometimes, cause in life, shit happens. The question is how you handle it.
Mature love is being on the same page from day 1. I like red meat, politics, white guys, guns, sex, and sci-fi. Marrying a vegan, non-news watching Nigerian anti-gun Liberal virgin is not even in my library. You need to talk with each other. Often.
Mature love isn't selfish. If you're thinking more of 'we' instead of 'me', you're on the right path. It's not about putting the other person first, it's about putting the two of you as a unit, together, first.
I want a mature love, someone who can make me giddy and give me butterflies yet not be stupid/irresponsible in love. Now that I'm older and wiser and more ready, I can do that. I'm a little old for stupid teenager antics.
I've been thinking a lot about mature love and what it means to me. When we're younger, I think dating and the relationships we go through and experience prepare us for what we do and do not what in a relationship, and as we get older, we're suppose to recognize this more quickly in others so we can weed out the good and the bad so we can find out mates, settle down and start our families. (Some have much more success at this and others.) But here's what I've found so far:
Mature love makes you a better person. The person you're with makes you grow and mature to become more than you are now than who you were when you were single.
Mature love isn't petty. We shouldn't be experiencing the same jealousy and insecurity issues in our 30's that we did in our 20's. It is beyond the pettiness that existed in our younger days. It was in our younger days for us to experience, know, and move beyond. If you keep ending up with people with the same issues, maybe the problem doesn't lie with them.
Mature love is adapting. There are times where we hit ruff patches and hard times, family losses. Instead of the usual 50/50, it may be 90/10, 30/70, or 63/37 it'll just happen that way sometimes, cause in life, shit happens. The question is how you handle it.
Mature love is being on the same page from day 1. I like red meat, politics, white guys, guns, sex, and sci-fi. Marrying a vegan, non-news watching Nigerian anti-gun Liberal virgin is not even in my library. You need to talk with each other. Often.
Mature love isn't selfish. If you're thinking more of 'we' instead of 'me', you're on the right path. It's not about putting the other person first, it's about putting the two of you as a unit, together, first.
I want a mature love, someone who can make me giddy and give me butterflies yet not be stupid/irresponsible in love. Now that I'm older and wiser and more ready, I can do that. I'm a little old for stupid teenager antics.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Kids & Bullies: Build up their self esteem!
I keep hearing these commercials on TV and the radio about bullies; bully awareness I guess you can call it, telling kids that they need to report being bullied to teachers and parents. Also, letting other kids know what they can do to help other kids out. But am I the only one thinking that they're not getting to the heart of the matter as to why kids are bullied in the first place? They are bullied because they are seen as weak. And in all aspects of nature and society the weak are always preyed upon by the strong. Always. "But it's not fair.", I can hear you say. Yeah, but life's not fair. When you popped outta your mamma, the doctor never said life was gonna be peaches and cream for you when he spanked you on the ass.
Perhaps we should be building kids self-esteem up instead of teaching them to just run for help?
How do we do this? Self defense classes? Involving kids in activities that they are good at that gives them confidence in themselves to know they are good at something? Activities with their peers in the same types of so they'll have friends that enjoy the same stuff they do? Starting them off early and often in these things and being active and involved parents so you know what's going on in your child's life?
It irks me to no end that I keep hearing how to solve the BULLY problem but not how to solve the SELF ESTEEM problem that gets the kids picked on/beat up in the first place. Over time, this problem will go beyond school, it will go into the workplace and government. You won't get anywhere career wise if you're seen as weak. You'll constantly be looked over and walked over for promotions. And do we really need our nation to be seen as weak and easily picked on, unable to stand-up for ourselves? We're getting pretty close to that already, aren't we?
Perhaps we should be building kids self-esteem up instead of teaching them to just run for help?
How do we do this? Self defense classes? Involving kids in activities that they are good at that gives them confidence in themselves to know they are good at something? Activities with their peers in the same types of so they'll have friends that enjoy the same stuff they do? Starting them off early and often in these things and being active and involved parents so you know what's going on in your child's life?
It irks me to no end that I keep hearing how to solve the BULLY problem but not how to solve the SELF ESTEEM problem that gets the kids picked on/beat up in the first place. Over time, this problem will go beyond school, it will go into the workplace and government. You won't get anywhere career wise if you're seen as weak. You'll constantly be looked over and walked over for promotions. And do we really need our nation to be seen as weak and easily picked on, unable to stand-up for ourselves? We're getting pretty close to that already, aren't we?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Grown-up manuals.
Why is it so hard to find a grown-up nowadays? I've always said when looking for a man to settle down with, he should have the holy trinity as the foundation; that it's so top 3 that they should be considered -2. -1, and 0. A job, a place of his own, and a car. (The car is negotiable, if you live in a city like NYC, but for areas like the DC Metro...it's a must.) I'm old school, I think the man should be preparing himself for a family and a home so having all of this things says to me, "Yes, I'm ready for a wife and kids." Of course there are other things that are very important that you will need, but those are a pretty strong foundation to start with.
Here's my problem; Society has pretty much told us we can delay growing up as long as possible. (You can stay on your parents insurance til you're 26 now, 26!! Are you frakin kidding me?!) Stay in college for as long as possible, don't get a job, keep taking out loans, and by the time you're FINALLY ready to graduate, your tens of thousands of dollars in debut with a bachelors, sometimes a masters degree, that does you no good because you can't do anything. No one told you that you should get a job while you're in school because it makes you look good to potential employers. And working certain jobs will give you those nice benefits your parents always talked about and stressed to you about looking for and getting in your future career. That some jobs will actually PAY for you to go to school, so you and your parents are stuck forking over the bill for decades after your degree is finished. And you haven't even been out in the real world yet where you get to experience the good and bad of corporate America!!
And ladies wonder why it's so damn hard to find a good man! SMDH, We should just give up and start over and write most of these guys off already cause they aren't gonna grow up anytime soon.
Here's my problem; Society has pretty much told us we can delay growing up as long as possible. (You can stay on your parents insurance til you're 26 now, 26!! Are you frakin kidding me?!) Stay in college for as long as possible, don't get a job, keep taking out loans, and by the time you're FINALLY ready to graduate, your tens of thousands of dollars in debut with a bachelors, sometimes a masters degree, that does you no good because you can't do anything. No one told you that you should get a job while you're in school because it makes you look good to potential employers. And working certain jobs will give you those nice benefits your parents always talked about and stressed to you about looking for and getting in your future career. That some jobs will actually PAY for you to go to school, so you and your parents are stuck forking over the bill for decades after your degree is finished. And you haven't even been out in the real world yet where you get to experience the good and bad of corporate America!!
And ladies wonder why it's so damn hard to find a good man! SMDH, We should just give up and start over and write most of these guys off already cause they aren't gonna grow up anytime soon.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Bald and purseless.
There's this really great band one of my girls got me hooked on, Lost in Paris, that I try to catch whenever they're in town, and tonight was one of those nights. Now being firmly set in the 30 and over crowd, things that use to not annoy me before are things that may get another heifer elbowed/kneed/slapped/me kicked out the bar/club. Youngin's, here are some basic bar/club manners to keep you from being the person from being elbowed/kneed/slapped/taken out on a stretcher from the bar/club:
Long hair: If you have long hair, don't flip it all over the place there are people behind you. Keep flipping it in the wrong persons face, you may no longer have long hair.
The girl that can't dance: You know you can't dance. Please stop trying. All of the people in the club that can (90% are ethnic) are talking about you. STOP RIGHT NOW! You look like you're re-enacting Woodstock, and they're playing a merengue.
The Creeper: Why are you the one guy in front of the stage? There are 20 girls around you dancing and you're stalking the band. Creepy.
The Creeper 2: There are 20 girls dancing around you and you're standing in the middle of them like the kid about to piss in the middle of the pool. You're not even trying to dance up on one of them, you're just standing there, that's not cool man, that's creepy.
The girl who THINKS she can dance: If your friends liked you, they'd stop you jerking around on the dance floor like you were Elaine from Seinfeild. So either they really don't like you, or they're just as terrible as you are either answer is sad.
Leave your suitcase at home: Ladies, why are you bringing your big ass purse with you to the bar/club? What could you possibly be bringin with you in that thing that is SO important that you can't leave it in the car or at home?
Lastly, there's a general space rule when you're at a packed bar, granted, there's limited spaced, but unless you're dancing with another person, there's a general zone you give people in front and behind you of comfort. DON'T EXCEED YOUR ZONE.
I love LiP, but someone needs to teach these youngins how to roll after hours before they end up bald and purse-less.
Long hair: If you have long hair, don't flip it all over the place there are people behind you. Keep flipping it in the wrong persons face, you may no longer have long hair.
The girl that can't dance: You know you can't dance. Please stop trying. All of the people in the club that can (90% are ethnic) are talking about you. STOP RIGHT NOW! You look like you're re-enacting Woodstock, and they're playing a merengue.
The Creeper: Why are you the one guy in front of the stage? There are 20 girls around you dancing and you're stalking the band. Creepy.
The Creeper 2: There are 20 girls dancing around you and you're standing in the middle of them like the kid about to piss in the middle of the pool. You're not even trying to dance up on one of them, you're just standing there, that's not cool man, that's creepy.
The girl who THINKS she can dance: If your friends liked you, they'd stop you jerking around on the dance floor like you were Elaine from Seinfeild. So either they really don't like you, or they're just as terrible as you are either answer is sad.
Leave your suitcase at home: Ladies, why are you bringing your big ass purse with you to the bar/club? What could you possibly be bringin with you in that thing that is SO important that you can't leave it in the car or at home?
Lastly, there's a general space rule when you're at a packed bar, granted, there's limited spaced, but unless you're dancing with another person, there's a general zone you give people in front and behind you of comfort. DON'T EXCEED YOUR ZONE.
I love LiP, but someone needs to teach these youngins how to roll after hours before they end up bald and purse-less.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Know when to RUN.
My friend Lisa posted this YEARS ago. I'm stealing again, but I'm pulling out some highly important facts but as always, a good read.
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If you meet a woman and she tells you she loves you on the first date. RUN
If you meet a woman and you and her have sex on the first date, unless you have no intentions on calling her EVER again, don't' pretend like your going to call her the next day. This is why some women become stalkers. Just because she gave you some of the first date doesn't mean she's a hoe or that she gave it up to everyone on the first date. She might have been horny, fell for your tired line or just needed some 'maintenance". If you like her company and want to see her again, don't try to pull up the fact that she gave it up on the first date as a reason NOT to see her. She might NOT want to see u again. Consider this, if you were so hot to want to have sex with HER on the first date, she might be thinking YOU have issues also and NOT call YOU afterwards (especially if it wasn't that good to her)
Don't pretend to like what she likes because you want to have sex with her. If she's going to give you some, she will but lying will not make her give it to you any faster. For example, if you HATE foreign movies and she has a 100 DVD collection of them, DON'T DATE HER unless you are going to change your mind. You aren't going to change hers Likewise, if she HATES house music and you play it constantly, it is really not going to work out between you.
If you see a women you think is attractive and she tells you that she doesn't think you're her type MOVE ON! She knows what she likes and dislikes, whether she's a model and you're a 'nerdy' type, she's a bohemian style and your Brooks Brothers suit type, LET IT GO. Don't call her a bitch; don't try to change her mind. MOVE ON. There are more women out there who go for "YOUR TYPE", look for them. She's just not into you.
Don't' call a woman a bitch, hoe, slut because she cut off your game mid stride. She's just not into you. Period. Nothing you did. She's NOT interested. If she were, she would have taken your business card/number when you offered it. If she didn't, she doesn't. MOVE ON to someone who will
If you meet a woman and begin dating, if she fails to inform you that she has a child or children who live with other relatives, LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER. If a woman will lie (and she is lying, make no mistake about that) about her child, she WILL lie about ANYTHING. Doesn't matter if the child is away for the summer, the week, spring break, etc, she failed to INFORM YOU. It shows her character.
If you are dating more than one woman, doesn't matter if you have having sex with one or all of them, TELL ALL OF THEM. While 1-2 may decide to not date you, 1-2 women may decide to continue. FULL DISCLOSURE MEANS FULL DISCLOSURE. Nothing will make a women turn off your more than when her friends tell her that they saw you with someone else in public. She's been embarrassed and humiliated and believe me, YOU are going to bear the brunt of it if you have lead her to believe by your actions or inactions the she was the ONLY person you were dealing with. Full disclosure doesn't mean you have to compare breast sizes and oral skill assessments, but let her know simply by saying, "I need to let you know upfront that I am dating other people. If this is a PROBLEM or you are uncomfortable with that fact, let me know right now and we can end this date. No harm, no foul." If she says no, then later begins to indicate by her actions that she doesn't like this situation, STOP DATING HER.
If a woman indicates that she had went through a previous boyfriend's cell phone, broke into his email, checked his home/work/cell voicemail or followed a previous boyfriend because she suspected he was "cheating" on her, LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER. SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU. She had mental health issues that need to be addressed. Any one who will go thru such 'length' is not mentally stable, no matter how good she is in bed.
If a woman tells you she has keyed up an ex's car, broken his home windows, had public arguments with ex's, had fist fights with ex's and other women, has come to an ex's job and had public altercations, had public altercations at family gathering with ex's. LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER, SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU. There is a difference between having a private argument in a public place and NO ONE knew it was an argument and 2 people yelling, cursing and screaming at each other in a public place and they were kicked out of an establishment or were threatened with law enforcement being summoned.
If a woman has a history of cheating on her boyfriends, most of her ex boyfriends are married (and were married when they were dating) STRONGLY CONSIDER if you want to have a committed relationship with her UNLESS she indicates that she has undergone counseling to see why she picked unavailable men in her past. A woman, when they realize when they have a 'dating' pattern (negative) will seek counseling and work on issues related to intimacy/commitment. Once she realizes why, she'll better understand her dating past and will NOT return to it.
Stay away from women who have recently been in an abusive relationship (mental, physical, emotionally) regardless how much she's "healed" she's just starting to live life without the abusive partner, she needs to get herself healthy emotionally before she can consider dating, let alone sex. Women who have been in abusive relationships need to work on skills that a nice, normal guy is not equipped to handle. While she might be the nicest person in the world, you are not mentally, physically, emotionally prepared to deal with her and her past and you do not possess the psychological training to help her get back to stage 1.
Having sex with a long term friend WILL change the nature of the relationship. Don't kid yourself. If she was decent in bed, you're going to want to hit it again. If she starts dating someone, you're going to get upset when she won't respond to you calls for sex (because if he's a keeper, she's not giving you anymore)
If you meet a woman and after sex she begins planning 'mini-vacations' for the both of you, STOP. While trips are nice, instant relationships are not. If a woman begins making travel plans for the rest of the year as a 'couple' RUN. She obviously has commitment issues and having sex with her only made it worse.
If you begin dating someone near her birthday and you are a romantic guy, there's nothing wrong with a TASTEFUL and APPROPRIATE birthday celebration. (dinner or small token gift) otherwise, dinner and a movie is fine. If she has plans made before you both met, don't get upset. Make arrangements to spend time together before or after her birthday.
If you begin dating someone and it's near YOUR birthday, same rule as above applies. If you are NOT going to spend your birthday with her because of prior commitments (going to parents house, etc) let her know in advance and plan to hang out with her, either the day before or the day after.
DON'T meet her parents unless you are serious. When I mean serious, I mean COMMITMENT serious. NO sense in pretending a future where there is none. Regardless of whether she's 'family' oriented. She can spend time with her family and time with you, you don't have to be around her family constantly and unless you like being on display, limit your contact with her family if she is not the only women you are dating.
If you are around her family, notice the dynamics: Are the family dynamics 'fractured'? Do you see tons of single women and children? Are there NO men in your age group who are 'married' or committed to any of the women present? Are there tons of children running around and no men? Are the women present complaining about how "so and so's" no good man/husband/ boyfriend just got out of jail? Are they complaining about men in general? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
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If you meet a woman and she tells you she loves you on the first date. RUN
If you meet a woman and you and her have sex on the first date, unless you have no intentions on calling her EVER again, don't' pretend like your going to call her the next day. This is why some women become stalkers. Just because she gave you some of the first date doesn't mean she's a hoe or that she gave it up to everyone on the first date. She might have been horny, fell for your tired line or just needed some 'maintenance". If you like her company and want to see her again, don't try to pull up the fact that she gave it up on the first date as a reason NOT to see her. She might NOT want to see u again. Consider this, if you were so hot to want to have sex with HER on the first date, she might be thinking YOU have issues also and NOT call YOU afterwards (especially if it wasn't that good to her)
Don't pretend to like what she likes because you want to have sex with her. If she's going to give you some, she will but lying will not make her give it to you any faster. For example, if you HATE foreign movies and she has a 100 DVD collection of them, DON'T DATE HER unless you are going to change your mind. You aren't going to change hers Likewise, if she HATES house music and you play it constantly, it is really not going to work out between you.
If you see a women you think is attractive and she tells you that she doesn't think you're her type MOVE ON! She knows what she likes and dislikes, whether she's a model and you're a 'nerdy' type, she's a bohemian style and your Brooks Brothers suit type, LET IT GO. Don't call her a bitch; don't try to change her mind. MOVE ON. There are more women out there who go for "YOUR TYPE", look for them. She's just not into you.
Don't' call a woman a bitch, hoe, slut because she cut off your game mid stride. She's just not into you. Period. Nothing you did. She's NOT interested. If she were, she would have taken your business card/number when you offered it. If she didn't, she doesn't. MOVE ON to someone who will
If you meet a woman and begin dating, if she fails to inform you that she has a child or children who live with other relatives, LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER. If a woman will lie (and she is lying, make no mistake about that) about her child, she WILL lie about ANYTHING. Doesn't matter if the child is away for the summer, the week, spring break, etc, she failed to INFORM YOU. It shows her character.
If you are dating more than one woman, doesn't matter if you have having sex with one or all of them, TELL ALL OF THEM. While 1-2 may decide to not date you, 1-2 women may decide to continue. FULL DISCLOSURE MEANS FULL DISCLOSURE. Nothing will make a women turn off your more than when her friends tell her that they saw you with someone else in public. She's been embarrassed and humiliated and believe me, YOU are going to bear the brunt of it if you have lead her to believe by your actions or inactions the she was the ONLY person you were dealing with. Full disclosure doesn't mean you have to compare breast sizes and oral skill assessments, but let her know simply by saying, "I need to let you know upfront that I am dating other people. If this is a PROBLEM or you are uncomfortable with that fact, let me know right now and we can end this date. No harm, no foul." If she says no, then later begins to indicate by her actions that she doesn't like this situation, STOP DATING HER.
If a woman indicates that she had went through a previous boyfriend's cell phone, broke into his email, checked his home/work/cell voicemail or followed a previous boyfriend because she suspected he was "cheating" on her, LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER. SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU. She had mental health issues that need to be addressed. Any one who will go thru such 'length' is not mentally stable, no matter how good she is in bed.
If a woman tells you she has keyed up an ex's car, broken his home windows, had public arguments with ex's, had fist fights with ex's and other women, has come to an ex's job and had public altercations, had public altercations at family gathering with ex's. LEAVE HER WHERE YOU FOUND HER, SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU. There is a difference between having a private argument in a public place and NO ONE knew it was an argument and 2 people yelling, cursing and screaming at each other in a public place and they were kicked out of an establishment or were threatened with law enforcement being summoned.
If a woman has a history of cheating on her boyfriends, most of her ex boyfriends are married (and were married when they were dating) STRONGLY CONSIDER if you want to have a committed relationship with her UNLESS she indicates that she has undergone counseling to see why she picked unavailable men in her past. A woman, when they realize when they have a 'dating' pattern (negative) will seek counseling and work on issues related to intimacy/commitment. Once she realizes why, she'll better understand her dating past and will NOT return to it.
Stay away from women who have recently been in an abusive relationship (mental, physical, emotionally) regardless how much she's "healed" she's just starting to live life without the abusive partner, she needs to get herself healthy emotionally before she can consider dating, let alone sex. Women who have been in abusive relationships need to work on skills that a nice, normal guy is not equipped to handle. While she might be the nicest person in the world, you are not mentally, physically, emotionally prepared to deal with her and her past and you do not possess the psychological training to help her get back to stage 1.
Having sex with a long term friend WILL change the nature of the relationship. Don't kid yourself. If she was decent in bed, you're going to want to hit it again. If she starts dating someone, you're going to get upset when she won't respond to you calls for sex (because if he's a keeper, she's not giving you anymore)
If you meet a woman and after sex she begins planning 'mini-vacations' for the both of you, STOP. While trips are nice, instant relationships are not. If a woman begins making travel plans for the rest of the year as a 'couple' RUN. She obviously has commitment issues and having sex with her only made it worse.
If you begin dating someone near her birthday and you are a romantic guy, there's nothing wrong with a TASTEFUL and APPROPRIATE birthday celebration. (dinner or small token gift) otherwise, dinner and a movie is fine. If she has plans made before you both met, don't get upset. Make arrangements to spend time together before or after her birthday.
If you begin dating someone and it's near YOUR birthday, same rule as above applies. If you are NOT going to spend your birthday with her because of prior commitments (going to parents house, etc) let her know in advance and plan to hang out with her, either the day before or the day after.
DON'T meet her parents unless you are serious. When I mean serious, I mean COMMITMENT serious. NO sense in pretending a future where there is none. Regardless of whether she's 'family' oriented. She can spend time with her family and time with you, you don't have to be around her family constantly and unless you like being on display, limit your contact with her family if she is not the only women you are dating.
If you are around her family, notice the dynamics: Are the family dynamics 'fractured'? Do you see tons of single women and children? Are there NO men in your age group who are 'married' or committed to any of the women present? Are there tons of children running around and no men? Are the women present complaining about how "so and so's" no good man/husband/ boyfriend just got out of jail? Are they complaining about men in general? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
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