For nearly 13 years, I've been Tim Robbins character, Andy Dufresne, from Shawshank Redemption; only the prison that I've been locked in has been one of my own making.
I was my own warden and guard force. I built the walls, fences and barb wire that surround my prison that I built to keep me locked in and others out. One day, I woke up and realized what I had done, and I wanted out, so I did as Andy and slowly started chipping away at the walls of my prison. (Only the posters on my wall definitely included The Rock and Jason Stathom.)
Suddenly, tonight, it hit me: I am free. I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but it did. Maybe part of me was expecting more hoopla when it happened, a mental parade with ticker tape and marching bands or something, but it didn't happen. All I know, is that the walls are gone, the fences and barbwire are no more and the guards have been fired. My my mind and heart are all at peace. I'm not hiding part of myself from the world; I'm not scared to be vulnerable or hurt, because that's a part of life, learning to deal with that hurt, adapting and overcoming that hurt and moving on from it.
I'm not afraid of being hurt anymore.
I wasn't expecting this, but it could be step one as part of the, 'What I've been waiting for is around the corner scenario feeling that I've been having in my gut these past few weeks.
I hope so. I believe so.
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