Just a few more boxes to throw out.

Sometimes, this self-discovery road blows, but you learn a lot about yourself and end up better in the end. 

I've been getting more in touch with my spiritual side; meditation and all that fun stuff. For some reason, I decided to start studying Tarot. I guess it's one of those off ramps I decided to look into while tapping deeper into myself. It's definitely not something I'm 'playing' with; I don't 'play' with the metaphysical world. I've had one too many encounters with ghost's to mess with or tick off anything 'other worldly'. I've also said a lot of stuff that's actually happened, that there's a healthy respect for all of it.

With Tarot, there are hundreds of different types of cards, ways to lay out and read the cards after awhile it starts to make your head spin if you try to eat the entire elephant at once. But it's like they say, you've got to do it one bite at a time.  I've been practicing a lot, mainly on myself.  I did one particular spread that was called a 'Healing Spread', it's focused on psychological healing. 

I'd already, I had a pretty good idea what my issue was, but this just confirmed it for me.

• Emotional Block - 5 of Cups:  Loss. Need to release past regrets. Forgive those who have hurt you and forgive yourself. Fear of intimacy. Self-blame. 

Ding, ding, ding!! Wow, right on the money! I don't deal with losing people well. And when it comes to intimacy, I've been freaking Kenyan marathoner. 

• Past Relationships - Ace of Swords (Reversed/Upside down): Unrealistic or unreasonable expectations. Dominating others. Self-righteousness. Poor health.

I always had to be the one in control of my relationships and yes, I was in terrible health, being so overweight, I had a bag of issues to go with it. 

• Present Relationships - Queen of Cups: Nurtureance, Intuition, Need to explore feelings, Generosity. Emotionally deep partnership. 

Man, have I been exploring my feelings and my intuition lately. Still looking for that emotionally deep partnership. (FYI, Kings and Queens can represent a person as well as a situation. So it could be referring to me or someone I know.)

• Revelations - Knight of Cups: New relationships and emotional experiences. New love interest. Follow your dreams. Idealism and creativity. Intuition.

Yeah, still waiting on that love interest and new relationship, but tons of new emotional experiences!

• Guidance - 7 of Cups (Reversed/Upside down): Need for action. Focus and act decisively. Clarity. Diligence. Perseverance.

Well, that's pretty cut and dry: Act, stick to and, be clear on the goal and preserver!

• Spiritual Lesson - 10 of Cups (Reversed/Upside down): Appreciate what you have. Don't take things for granted. 

No better way to sum that up.

All in all, what I took away from this was I'm on the right track. What I started so many months ago was what I was suppose to do and what I still am doing today. 

I've cleaned a lot of demons and dirt out of my closet; kicked plenty of monkeys off my back and have unloaded a LOT of bagged during the journey. It feels as if I'm cleaning of those houses on Hoarders and it's the final day of the clean up.I can see the floors; the walls; the bathroom and kitchen are useable again and clean, but there are just a few more boxes left that I need to throw out to make room for what belongs here.