(I started to do this before, you'll notice I have another blog similarly titled from 2011, but I ran into some...issues. But that's another blog, for now, here's my second stab at the whole 30 days of blogging thing.)
Well, I'm still single. I've been dating an seeing some people but they just weren't the right ones or it wasn't the right time for him.
I'll be 35 this year, and although my gene pool has a long record of having lots of children late into life, I'm accepting the fact that I may not get married or have kids.
I'm ok with it.
I'm ok with it because I'd rather be single than force myself into a relationship that isn't meant to be, to settle.
I don't want to be a desperate woman trying to get the man and the kids by any means necessary and find myself divorced and alone years later because I knew he wasn't the one. I don't want a selfish love.
Single life can be lonely, especially when all of your friends have a partner, but it can also be freeing, you're not having to consult another person on what to do or where to go, you don't have another persons feelings to consider and all.
I don't know what's going to happen to me, what will be will be, I just know that whatever DOES happen, I'm ok with how it all comes out in the wash.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Weird Dreams
I don't know if it's the drugs from another illness (cold/flu/bronchitis) but I've been having weird dreams lately. I try to listen to my dreams, as weird as they are they seem to always tell me something.
I was...somewhere it looked like a 3rd world bus station or something. I needed a car. A man handed me some keys and pointed me on where I could go. I stopped at one counter and was pointed to a door. But I couldn't go right to the door. There was water between the two, about a foot or so deep. I thought I could step over the water to the door, but it didn't work, so I had to step in it. The water was clear, I could see the bottom, there was a 4 painted in the water.
When I got through the door, it wasn't the right place, it looked like it hadn't been used in years, so I went back out and found what I was looking for.
I think what it's saying is that I must step into my emotions to find what I'm looking for. It won't be behind the first door I open after I do so but once I do I'll find what I'm looking for. But what do you think?
Key
To see a key in your dream symbolizes opportunities, access, control, secrets, freedom, knowledge or responsibilities. You may be locking away your own inner feelings and emotions. Or you are unlocking the answer to some problem. To see a ring of keys represents status, authority, and power. It also highlights your adaptability to a situation. In particular, if you see a skeleton key, then it refers to old emotions or memories that you have stored or locked away.
Four
Four denotes stability, physical limitations, hard labor and earthly things, as in the four corners of the earth or the four elements (earth, wind, fire and water). It also stands for materialistic matters and how you get things done.
Door
To dream that you are entering through a door signifies new opportunities that are presented before you. You are entering into a new stage in your life and moving from one level of consciousness to another. In particular, a door that opens into the inside denotes your desire for inner exploration and self-discovery.
Water
To see water in your dream symbolizes your subconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.
To see calm, clear water in your dream means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.
I was...somewhere it looked like a 3rd world bus station or something. I needed a car. A man handed me some keys and pointed me on where I could go. I stopped at one counter and was pointed to a door. But I couldn't go right to the door. There was water between the two, about a foot or so deep. I thought I could step over the water to the door, but it didn't work, so I had to step in it. The water was clear, I could see the bottom, there was a 4 painted in the water.
When I got through the door, it wasn't the right place, it looked like it hadn't been used in years, so I went back out and found what I was looking for.
I think what it's saying is that I must step into my emotions to find what I'm looking for. It won't be behind the first door I open after I do so but once I do I'll find what I'm looking for. But what do you think?
Key
To see a key in your dream symbolizes opportunities, access, control, secrets, freedom, knowledge or responsibilities. You may be locking away your own inner feelings and emotions. Or you are unlocking the answer to some problem. To see a ring of keys represents status, authority, and power. It also highlights your adaptability to a situation. In particular, if you see a skeleton key, then it refers to old emotions or memories that you have stored or locked away.
Four
Four denotes stability, physical limitations, hard labor and earthly things, as in the four corners of the earth or the four elements (earth, wind, fire and water). It also stands for materialistic matters and how you get things done.
Door
To dream that you are entering through a door signifies new opportunities that are presented before you. You are entering into a new stage in your life and moving from one level of consciousness to another. In particular, a door that opens into the inside denotes your desire for inner exploration and self-discovery.
Water
To see water in your dream symbolizes your subconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.
To see calm, clear water in your dream means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol
In regards to alcohol, I don't believe there should be an age restriction on it. Drugs, I don't believe they should be illegal. We should have learned our lesson after prohibition, when the crime rate skyrocked, but we didn't. We've lost the drug war. Call me a crazy Libertarian, but that's how I feel.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years
I'll be 44 years old. It's kinda strange to imagine myself at 44, but the older I get, the faster time seems to move on.
God willing, I won't be in DC, I'll have finally hit the multi-million dollar jackpot, bought my room on The World and cruising my to retirement.
But that's not really probable, so unless I change to a career where I can live anywhere and we move, yeah, I'll still be in DC.
Relationship wise, who knows: I'll either be Mae West, Mrs Cleaver or some strange combo of the two.
One thing I will have done by that point is at least one of my stories. I've had this idea in my head for years and I'll finally have it completed, maybe even published.
God willing, I won't be in DC, I'll have finally hit the multi-million dollar jackpot, bought my room on The World and cruising my to retirement.
But that's not really probable, so unless I change to a career where I can live anywhere and we move, yeah, I'll still be in DC.
Relationship wise, who knows: I'll either be Mae West, Mrs Cleaver or some strange combo of the two.
One thing I will have done by that point is at least one of my stories. I've had this idea in my head for years and I'll finally have it completed, maybe even published.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Day 01 - Your current relationship--if single, discuss how single life is
Single.
Totally.
Utterly.
Single.
I'm more accepting of it than I use to be. But I want to get married, I want to have kids...in that order. So I need to not be single anymore to accomplish that goal. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder, Is it me? Hell, I've even asked guys I know to give me their honest opinion and to tell me what's wrong with me? Why am single? I can't fix what's wrong with me if I don't know what wrong with me! Or maybe they're right, nothing is wrong with me. Who I'm suppose to be with just isn't here in this area, I'm just going to have to go somewhere else to find him or for him to find me. That's kind of depressing.
With all the men in this area you'd think there'd be one or two that would be single, available, and right for me. I'm missing the days where all the single ladies got dressed up in ball gowns and corsets to be paraded around in front of all the single gentleman of the community. At least then you knew how/where to FIND the single/available men.
If this was 1811, I'd be a Spinster.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Oh, how far I have come.
Have you noticed the astonishing lack of adult behavior in so-called adults nowadays? Why is that? Is it because society no longer asks adults to BE adults anymore?
I had a date set up the other night, we were suppose to meet for drinks at a nearby bar. It was a guy I met online, 40. We'd been talking back and forth over email and text, seemed to be vibing, I like what he was saying and we seemed to have a lot in common. So I was really looking forward to the date. The last email I get from him says he'll see me around 5:30. I get to the bar around 5:20...6:30 he still hasn't shown.
I was stood up.
But it turns out, I actually had a pretty good evening. I wandered the mall a bit, did my best to really avoid Coach & Michale Kors....Did you know William Sonoma sells Star Wars cookie cutters and cup cake liners? Me either. I ended up getting a slice of cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory and heading home afterwards, beating all that crazy rain we had last night. So after spending so much time to myself, I got to do some thinking. You'd think I'd be pissed off or angry with this joker at being stood up. Hell, I thought I'd be too, but I wasn't.
I was disappointed.
I expected someone that age would be beyond that high school stuff. That he would at least be man enough to show, even if he wasn't physically interested in me, because that's what adults do, cause it's the right and respectable thing to do. But no, it proves yet again that age IS nothing but a number, maturity is all in the mind.
I guess this shows how far I've come in this last year. Any other time I would have been ranting about how much men suck and why is it so hard to find a good one here in DC.....but I'm just shrugging my shoulders at this one. He's just another to add to the pile of broken boys and keep looking for one that actually works, especially for me. I know the further I get past all the wrong guys just means I'm even closer to finding that guy I do belong with.
Just a few more to test out.
I had a date set up the other night, we were suppose to meet for drinks at a nearby bar. It was a guy I met online, 40. We'd been talking back and forth over email and text, seemed to be vibing, I like what he was saying and we seemed to have a lot in common. So I was really looking forward to the date. The last email I get from him says he'll see me around 5:30. I get to the bar around 5:20...6:30 he still hasn't shown.
I was stood up.
But it turns out, I actually had a pretty good evening. I wandered the mall a bit, did my best to really avoid Coach & Michale Kors....Did you know William Sonoma sells Star Wars cookie cutters and cup cake liners? Me either. I ended up getting a slice of cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory and heading home afterwards, beating all that crazy rain we had last night. So after spending so much time to myself, I got to do some thinking. You'd think I'd be pissed off or angry with this joker at being stood up. Hell, I thought I'd be too, but I wasn't.
I was disappointed.
I expected someone that age would be beyond that high school stuff. That he would at least be man enough to show, even if he wasn't physically interested in me, because that's what adults do, cause it's the right and respectable thing to do. But no, it proves yet again that age IS nothing but a number, maturity is all in the mind.
I guess this shows how far I've come in this last year. Any other time I would have been ranting about how much men suck and why is it so hard to find a good one here in DC.....but I'm just shrugging my shoulders at this one. He's just another to add to the pile of broken boys and keep looking for one that actually works, especially for me. I know the further I get past all the wrong guys just means I'm even closer to finding that guy I do belong with.
Just a few more to test out.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Time to set up my domino's......
Why is it that it usually takes great tragedy to cause us to make great change in our lives?
You think you have all the time in the world to get everything right: your job, your house, your life...that once you have everything arranged and set up it will just fall into place as it should; like domino's.
But time is a bitch.
She comes and kicks your dominos and twists them around, re-arranges them, sometimes, she'll take them. Some of us will try and fight time; we'll keep trying to put our domino's back up like we had them before, yet here comes Time again, running havoc over our carefully laid out plans....and before you realize it, you've run out of domino's and time: all that you set out to do you didn't get accomplished. Your plans are for nothing.
Then there are others who realize there is no fighting Time; she's going to come in and do her worst, you've just got to work with it. You find a way to keep going over and around and even through the obstacles she throws at you or puts in your way. Yes, sometimes, it will suck: A LOT, it's worth it though.
It took a terrible tragedy this time last year for me to realize that I needed to make some big changes; Time wasn't waiting on me so I needed to stop waiting on her.
Time to set up my domino's......
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Shawshank Redeemed.
For nearly 13 years, I've been Tim Robbins character, Andy Dufresne, from Shawshank Redemption; only the prison that I've been locked in has been one of my own making.
I was my own warden and guard force. I built the walls, fences and barb wire that surround my prison that I built to keep me locked in and others out. One day, I woke up and realized what I had done, and I wanted out, so I did as Andy and slowly started chipping away at the walls of my prison. (Only the posters on my wall definitely included The Rock and Jason Stathom.)
Suddenly, tonight, it hit me: I am free. I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but it did. Maybe part of me was expecting more hoopla when it happened, a mental parade with ticker tape and marching bands or something, but it didn't happen. All I know, is that the walls are gone, the fences and barbwire are no more and the guards have been fired. My my mind and heart are all at peace. I'm not hiding part of myself from the world; I'm not scared to be vulnerable or hurt, because that's a part of life, learning to deal with that hurt, adapting and overcoming that hurt and moving on from it.
I'm not afraid of being hurt anymore.
I wasn't expecting this, but it could be step one as part of the, 'What I've been waiting for is around the corner scenario feeling that I've been having in my gut these past few weeks.
I hope so. I believe so.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Just a few more boxes to throw out.
Sometimes, this self-discovery road blows, but you learn a lot about yourself and end up better in the end.
I've been getting more in touch with my spiritual side; meditation and all that fun stuff. For some reason, I decided to start studying Tarot. I guess it's one of those off ramps I decided to look into while tapping deeper into myself. It's definitely not something I'm 'playing' with; I don't 'play' with the metaphysical world. I've had one too many encounters with ghost's to mess with or tick off anything 'other worldly'. I've also said a lot of stuff that's actually happened, that there's a healthy respect for all of it.
With Tarot, there are hundreds of different types of cards, ways to lay out and read the cards after awhile it starts to make your head spin if you try to eat the entire elephant at once. But it's like they say, you've got to do it one bite at a time. I've been practicing a lot, mainly on myself. I did one particular spread that was called a 'Healing Spread', it's focused on psychological healing.
I'd already, I had a pretty good idea what my issue was, but this just confirmed it for me.
- Emotional Block - 5 of Cups: Loss. Need to release past regrets. Forgive those who have hurt you and forgive yourself. Fear of intimacy. Self-blame.
Ding, ding, ding!! Wow, right on the money! I don't deal with losing people well. And when it comes to intimacy, I've been freaking Kenyan marathoner.
- Past Relationships - Ace of Swords (Reversed/Upside down): Unrealistic or unreasonable expectations. Dominating others. Self-righteousness. Poor health.
I always had to be the one in control of my relationships and yes, I was in terrible health, being so overweight, I had a bag of issues to go with it.
- Present Relationships - Queen of Cups: Nurtureance, Intuition, Need to explore feelings, Generosity. Emotionally deep partnership.
Man, have I been exploring my feelings and my intuition lately. Still looking for that emotionally deep partnership. (FYI, Kings and Queens can represent a person as well as a situation. So it could be referring to me or someone I know.)
- Revelations - Knight of Cups: New relationships and emotional experiences. New love interest. Follow your dreams. Idealism and creativity. Intuition.
Yeah, still waiting on that love interest and new relationship, but tons of new emotional experiences!
- Guidance - 7 of Cups (Reversed/Upside down): Need for action. Focus and act decisively. Clarity. Diligence. Perseverance.
Well, that's pretty cut and dry: Act, stick to and, be clear on the goal and preserver!
- Spiritual Lesson - 10 of Cups (Reversed/Upside down): Appreciate what you have. Don't take things for granted.
No better way to sum that up.
All in all, what I took away from this was I'm on the right track. What I started so many months ago was what I was suppose to do and what I still am doing today.
I've cleaned a lot of demons and dirt out of my closet; kicked plenty of monkeys off my back and have unloaded a LOT of bagged during the journey. It feels as if I'm cleaning of those houses on Hoarders and it's the final day of the clean up.I can see the floors; the walls; the bathroom and kitchen are useable again and clean, but there are just a few more boxes left that I need to throw out to make room for what belongs here.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Comets don't come around that often.
I've had this on my mind for awhile now, but I haven't blogged on it cause I knew I'd hurt some people's feelings. Then I remembered who I was, and said screw it, I'll do it anyway: The older I have gotten, I've started to notice a pattern with men and women my age doing stupid relationship acts.
Men: You decide that it is 'time' for you to settle down and get married. So the next chick that wanders into your sites that you somewhat like, you bag her and tag her.
Women: You are so desperate to settle down and get married, you're trying to force a man that you should have let go of years ago into a mold of a what you think your perfect man is.
How sad.
Guys
Where this clock is that tells you it is time for you to get married? I'd like to break it. How many of you have have missed out on a great woman because you felt it wasn't your 'time' to get married? Yet, when you decide that it is time, oh my damn, do your friends WISH they could turn back the clock! Really? It wasn't the right time for A, who was a five course meal at The Palm....damn near perfect, yet it's the right time for B and she's......well......2 for $20 at Applebee's. This example ticks me off two fold, cause not only does the guy pass on the right girl (grass is greener), but he marries (settles) with the wrong girl, then months, years, later, he realizes his mistake and god-willing, doesn't do it again.
But so much time wasted......why do you put yourselves through this? Get rid of the clock! Sure, there isn't just 'one' person for any of us out there, but when you come across one of the 'ones' dammit man, you don't let it go! They're like comets, they don't come around all that often. (I'm talking about the cool comets, like Hailey.) You've got to grab it when you can and don't let it go!
Granted, there are times, exceptional times, where you must let the Comet go. (War, death, intercontinental jobs, youth, family drama, alien abductions; TRULY exceptional times) What are you to do? You still don't settle for Applebee's!! True, you may not get The Palm again either you could get Ruth's Chris or Shula's but you really don't want to settle for a Applebee's after The Palm, do you?
But so much time wasted......why do you put yourselves through this? Get rid of the clock! Sure, there isn't just 'one' person for any of us out there, but when you come across one of the 'ones' dammit man, you don't let it go! They're like comets, they don't come around all that often. (I'm talking about the cool comets, like Hailey.) You've got to grab it when you can and don't let it go!
Granted, there are times, exceptional times, where you must let the Comet go. (War, death, intercontinental jobs, youth, family drama, alien abductions; TRULY exceptional times) What are you to do? You still don't settle for Applebee's!! True, you may not get The Palm again either you could get Ruth's Chris or Shula's but you really don't want to settle for a Applebee's after The Palm, do you?
Ladies
STOP THE MADDNESS!!
Can you PLEASE leave these fools on the corner where you found them? If you want to be nice, drop him off at his mamas house. It's bad enough you've gone and had babies by this lazy-ass, no job, welfare having, in and out of jail fool, but WHY do you keep letting him back in? Your house? Your bed? Your wallet? Especially when you KNOW his ass has just climbed out of someone ELSE'S bed!! WAKE UP! He is not your Prince Charming. Yes, you've wasted a LOT of years on that man, don't waste anymore on him. Walk away. NOW. The only thing that that man can bring you is more heart-ache, pain, a child by another woman and maybe an STD. Happiness? Pleasure? Joy? Contentment? Peace of Mind? Not from him. Hasn't he treated you like a fool and a doormat long enough? He's not going to be the man you want him to be, he never will be. The man you WANT is out there looking for you. Get out there so he can find you.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Forks and Spoons
I'm not feminist. I like men. A lot. I think they're the best things God put on this planet besides Haagen Daaz Vanilla Fudge Ice Cream (which they discontinued, bastards) and full body deep tissue massages. Most feminists give off the, "I am woman, hear me roar, cause I can do anything a man can do' cheer. Why? Just because I CAN do something doesn't mean I SHOULD or NEED TO: hell, I can change a flat tire, why should I? I know plenty of guys that can do it for me. Ladies, guess what? Men LIKE doing stuff for us; it makes them feel manly. Give them something manly to do, then thank them kindly for it. You, and they, will be glad you did.
I can't do everything a man can do; a man can't do everything that I, a woman, can do. Stop telling me that I don't need a man to do this or I don't need a man to do that. Yes, I do. We do. If mother nature intended for us to not need men, we would not need men to get pregnant. Don't talk to me about doctors and invetro and all that, cause do you know what you still need at the end of the day? A man. And if men were depended upon for children, well, humanity probably would of ended 10,000 years ago. I hate to tell you feminists this, but we aren't equal; we are Forks and Spoons.
It's a weird analogy, I know, but when I read it in a book, it fits perfectly. You don't use a fork to eat soup and you don't use a spoon to eat spaghetti. Each utensil is needed for specific tasks, yet sometimes, they can be used for the same task. (Ever run out of clean spoons and you really, really are dying for some ice cream? Forks work!) We have our differences, each needed to do a specific job, but to complete your meal, you need both a fork and a spoon, right?
Thursday, June 16, 2011
You belong with me....but I'm not waiting for you to realize it.
Have you ever crushed on someone that was with the wrong person, you know they're so right for you, but you refuse to be THAT person that is the cause for the break up?
Yup. Me too.
But what did you do? Cry? Stare at your crush from afar and curse fates for giving you such terrible timing? Did you make little voodoo dolls of their girlfriend and try for the worst to overtake them? Did you sit at home, eating ice cream and drinking wine moaning with your girlfriends about how all the really great guys were taken with girls they didn't need to be with?
Yup. Me too.
Then one day I woke up and asked myself, 'Why?' Why am I'm pining away for someone I cannot have? There are thousands, no, MILLIONS of someones I can have out there? Really, why are you wasting your time on that ONE that doesn't see you/isn't ready for you/can't have you/doesn't want you when there are THOUSANDS of them out there that DO? No, MILLIONS.
Yes: Millions. Start strapping on your stilettos and get your freak'em dress on!
Yeah, there are PLENTY of great guys out there with wasting their time on girls they shouldn't, just because they don't want to be alone or the one guy in their group of friends that doesn't have a girlfriend. Then that one REALLY great woman comes along that's perfect for him and what's SHE suppose to do, wait? Hell no: Millions. There is no 'One' in this world; there are 'Ones'. Someone may be your 'One' at this point in your life, but if the time is not right for either of you, move on; another 'One' will come along or if fate likes you, she'll bring that 'One' back around.
Why wait and hope on one man who doesn't want you where there are THOUSANDS out there that do? No. Millions.
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Blueprint: Part I
I'm 44 pounds lighter than I was this time last year. Many people have told me that I have inspired them and have asked me what I have been doing. When I set out on my journey, I never meant to inspire anyone else, just to be a better me. I'm still not done with my journey, I'm at about the halfway point right now. But I figured that I can share with you what I've been doing/have done so far. Not everything works for everyone, it took me over 10 years to get to this point. I've tried damn near every diet and workout out plan out there. But after doing some research and LEARNING about my body, cause all bodies are different, I figured out what worked for me.
This book was a god send for me, before it, I was a sugar crazed caffeine addicted acne covered slob. My desk at one point had a candy drawer and a bowl. I would eat Pillsbury break n bake cookies almost nightly, by the tray. It was ugly. This book helped me break that addiction. It also tells you what types of workouts are good for your bodytype. The ones below were good for me, they may not be right for you if you're not my type.
Love, Love LOVE Insanity, but back in October, I couldn't do it to save my life. I was too fat. So to start losing weight and work my way up to it, I started doing TurboFire. It took me 4 mths of doing TF to get into good enough shape even do Insanity, and I'm still not great at it, but I can do it. I can DO it.
The Accountability: My Weight Doctor
Mom pushed this one on me. She wanted me to go. Her thinking was it took drugs for me to get fat to begin with, it was gonna take drugs to help me get the fat off. (Ladies, never, EVER go on Depo!) So after months of being my usual stubborn self, I finally broke down and went, best decision of my life. My normal weightloss yo-yo is do good for a while, plateau, then get discouraged and fall off the wagon. With them, it doesn't happen, they help me to adjust to the plateaus and curves that happen when your body wants to hold on to the fat. They encourage you when you're doing good and scold you when you're not, but keep pressing you to do better. I need that.Thursday, June 9, 2011
Eisenhower Road.
My dad has a picture from my brother's year at NAPS (Naval Academy Prep School. Newport, RI for those who don't know) from the annual NAPS/MAPS (West Point's prep school) game. The picture is of my brother, Brendan Looney, who were at NAPS, and Anthony Miller who attended MAPS. The three of them played football at DeMatha together and dad captured the 'together again' moment of Brendan and Tony in their jersey's while David was still in his whites, he wasn't playing football anymore.
It's amazing the milliseconds in time that pictures can capture. Who would have imagined so many years ago that my brother would be the only one to reach 30? Tony died of a heart attack on February 1, 2002. A heart attack and hadn't even reached his 21st birthday. http://theantmillproject.com/index.html
I usually spend Memorial day at Arlington Cemetery, this year I was out of town so I went the Sunday before. The normal crowds were there; with tourist season in full swing, there were plenty of tour groups on the grounds. But when you go to Arlington, you'll notice as the larger crowds head up the tourist route to see JFK's grave, the Tomb of the Unknowns and Arlington House, there are a few of us who break off from the crowds and head left down Eisenhower Rd where not many people walk. If you happen to pass someone, you give them a nod of your head, knowing where they came from; it's those who pass you in their cars that gives you the knot in your throat. After about 10 or so minutes I make a left onto York Road.
Section 60. I wish I had no one to visit here. But where I once had one person to visit, I now have three. I drop a stone whenever I go by.
60-8564: Christopher John-Lee West. I met his sister on one of my cruises. We had lots to bond about; both of our brothers were in the military, CJ in the Army. In 2007/2008 both of them were in Iraq. CJ was killed by a IED 4 Feb 2008.
60-9179: Travis L. Manion. I didn't know him. He graduated from the Academy with my brother and he was Brendan's roommate and friend and that is enough. http://www.travismanion.com/
60-9180: Brendan John Looney. I don't think I've ever felt the physical impact of emotions as I did when I heard of Brendan's death. It literally hurt. His family and mine had wandered the DeMatha/NAPS/USNA path together and having him gone still seems wrong.
I hope because the President mentioned Travis and Brendan in his Memorial day speech hoards of people don't descend on Section 60 for a photo op. There are families everyday still grieving, they deserve the same respect and privacy due anyone at any cemetery.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I'm Off the Clock.
"I'm not getting engaged/married just because 'it became time to do so.' Who invented this imaginary clock? I'm not taking that step until I find 'the one.' And if I die before then I'll have a bomb ass bachelor life. You know what I mean?"
That's a quote by a friend from a discussion on relationships and the increasing number of men (and some women) we know who are settling down and getting engaged/married for no other reason because 'it's time'. They're in a relationship with someone and since it's 'time', they're gonna take the plunge and settle down with them. Wow. Un-fraking-believeable. Somehow, they have managed to turn what is suppose to be one of the most important, beautiful moments in a persons life into a trip to Jiffy Lube.
Relationships are not cars; they don't have a required maintenance schedule that you need to adhere to while you are in them.
There's a 50% divorce rate in this country, why? I have a number of ideas as to why this is and I could go on for days, but I'll stick with three. My main reasons would be expecting their partner to change, the whole 'it's time' issue, and not being prepared for marriage.
They'll Be Different After We're Married
"They'll stop smoking/drinking/going out so much/leaving the toilet seat up/hitting me/spending so much money/let me spend more time with my friends...after we're married."
What are you smoking? If they haven't changed by this point or suffered an extreme blow to the head, what dream world are you living in that you will somehow change them? Because you love them? As Tina said, what's love got to do with it? If they were gonna change for you they would have done it already. They haven't which means they aren't. If they say they will when....or maybe... that means no, they aren't or won't be. So stop fooling yourself and get out while you can.
"It's Time" for me to settle down...
Well don't you just feel special now? You just happen to be the one there when your boy/girlfriend has decided that they need to settle down.You're not 'the one' you're convenient. Haven't you always wanted to be 7-11? The problem with 7-11 is that you can't get what you really need there; the important, substantial stuff that you'd get at the grocery store.
I believe in love. I would like to one day find that man who I've been waiting for and will love me and treat me as I deserve, marry, and pop out a couple of kids. But I will not settle for the wrong man or the wrong relationship because 'it's time'.
Not Being Prepared for Marriage
I love you, let's get married. Sorry, not a reason to get married. Love is great, but not a reason to get married.
- Do you want kids?
- How's your credit?
- Are we buying a house or renting?
- What happens if one of our parents gets sick?
- Who's in charge of paying the bills?
- Who cooks?
- Do you get along with your family? What are we going to do when/if they visit?
- What happens if one of us can no longer work?
- Do we have the same beliefs in God?
- Who's gonna clean the bathroom?
These are just some of the questions that should be asked either at the beginning of a relationship or well into it if you're thinking of getting married.Kids and religion are some big topics to not be in agreement on and waiting til after the ceremony is over to see where you stand on them is just asking for an appearance before the divorce court judge. When shit hits the fan and yall aren't in agreement, love vanishes real quick and bitterness and contempt take its place.
It's time to stop being selfish about what WE want and need, because if we truly cared about the other person in these kinds of relationships, would we really do this to them?
I've made up my mind here and now; I'd rather spend the rest of my life single childless than be miserable in a marriage and bring children into that situation; it's not fair to them or to me.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Aunt Flo and her 7 moods
I'm going to over share, cause I just feel like doing that tonight.
As a female from age12 til about our mid 50's, mother nature let's us know every month that we can have babies. And barring that first time where we're elated because 'we're women now' and all that fun stuff and the last time where 'we're no longer women cause we can't have babies anymore' stuff, most months are pretty mundane. Most.
But some months Aunt Flo likes to visit with one or more of her moods. I like to compare them to the seven dwarfs, but not exactly like them because I, of course, had to put my own twist on them. Happy, Dopey, Sleepy, Horny, Crazy, Bitchy, and Bloated. Now you may or may not have experienced these moods yourself or you may have one that you would like to add (feel free to.) These are the ones that I have personally come across over my now two decades in womanhood. (damn it's been that long?!)
1. Happy - The best mood of the all! You are perfectly normal. And it doesn't even feel like 'that time' for you. You're happy, everyone's happy, it's wonderful.
2. Dopey - You are not your normal self. At all. You're making Anna Nicole Smith look like a double major at M.I.T. and God forbid someone ask you what 2 + 2 is! People ask you questions and they have to repeat themselves three times before you can actually understand what they're saying. It's as sad state.
3. Sleepy - Why did you even get out of bed this morning? You fell asleep sitting in traffic and you were late coming in to work cause you fell asleep in the parking lot. There's now a knot on your heat cause you slammed your head against the desk when it fell outta your hands and no amount of coffee or energy drink is gonna wake you up, you need your bed.
4. Horny - You have reverted back to the primal nature of man 10,000 years ago and it's taking every fiber of your being not to attack and ravage every fine and/or nice smelling man that passes your way. It just may be safer for you and most of the male population to stay home the next few days.
5. Crazy - You aren't making any sense. Your friends are saying you're acting crazy, so is your family. Your boss is asking if everything is ok with you. Basically, you have lost your damn mind for no reason. Proceed to the nearest CVS and buy so Midol, ASAP.
6. Bitchy - Most people would put Bitchy and Crazy together, but there's a difference between the two. Bitchy means you're complaining about any and everything, even if it for no apparent reason. Crazy, you can start out as Bitchy, and then head off into space.
7. Bloated - Remember that scene from Ghostbusters when Staypuff the Marshmallow Man comes down the street? That's how most of us feel when we're bloated and can't fit into any of our clothes and are sitting in our living room on a Friday night bitching on the phone with our girlfriends about stupid designers and how fat we feel.
Yeah, I know, I over shared, but I hope I amused you somewhat.
As a female from age12 til about our mid 50's, mother nature let's us know every month that we can have babies. And barring that first time where we're elated because 'we're women now' and all that fun stuff and the last time where 'we're no longer women cause we can't have babies anymore' stuff, most months are pretty mundane. Most.
But some months Aunt Flo likes to visit with one or more of her moods. I like to compare them to the seven dwarfs, but not exactly like them because I, of course, had to put my own twist on them. Happy, Dopey, Sleepy, Horny, Crazy, Bitchy, and Bloated. Now you may or may not have experienced these moods yourself or you may have one that you would like to add (feel free to.) These are the ones that I have personally come across over my now two decades in womanhood. (damn it's been that long?!)
1. Happy - The best mood of the all! You are perfectly normal. And it doesn't even feel like 'that time' for you. You're happy, everyone's happy, it's wonderful.
2. Dopey - You are not your normal self. At all. You're making Anna Nicole Smith look like a double major at M.I.T. and God forbid someone ask you what 2 + 2 is! People ask you questions and they have to repeat themselves three times before you can actually understand what they're saying. It's as sad state.
3. Sleepy - Why did you even get out of bed this morning? You fell asleep sitting in traffic and you were late coming in to work cause you fell asleep in the parking lot. There's now a knot on your heat cause you slammed your head against the desk when it fell outta your hands and no amount of coffee or energy drink is gonna wake you up, you need your bed.
4. Horny - You have reverted back to the primal nature of man 10,000 years ago and it's taking every fiber of your being not to attack and ravage every fine and/or nice smelling man that passes your way. It just may be safer for you and most of the male population to stay home the next few days.
5. Crazy - You aren't making any sense. Your friends are saying you're acting crazy, so is your family. Your boss is asking if everything is ok with you. Basically, you have lost your damn mind for no reason. Proceed to the nearest CVS and buy so Midol, ASAP.
6. Bitchy - Most people would put Bitchy and Crazy together, but there's a difference between the two. Bitchy means you're complaining about any and everything, even if it for no apparent reason. Crazy, you can start out as Bitchy, and then head off into space.
7. Bloated - Remember that scene from Ghostbusters when Staypuff the Marshmallow Man comes down the street? That's how most of us feel when we're bloated and can't fit into any of our clothes and are sitting in our living room on a Friday night bitching on the phone with our girlfriends about stupid designers and how fat we feel.
Yeah, I know, I over shared, but I hope I amused you somewhat.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Friendships and off ramps.
I wrote this as an open letter for anyone that's realized like I have that it may be time to clean house. It's a sad and humbling moment to realize that you may need to let go of some friends but if they're meant to be around, they'll be around. Fate is funny that way.
*********************
Friend,
This may be coming as a surprise to you, it may not, but for me, it needs to be done.
I can no longer accept our friendship as it stands. It is unbalanced. I can't remember the last time you called me and asked how I was. Do you know how I'm doing? What I'm doing? Some of the things I'm going through in my life right now at home, work, school, or with my family? I didn't think you did.
The majority of our phone calls involve me calling you asking how you are, your issues, welling being, e.g. If friendships, like any relationship, are about give and take, you've been taking more than you've given for far too long. I have no more left to give. I am tapped out, throwing in the towel. I'm not putting all the effort into this friendship anymore. No longer. I'm not calling, not texting, emailing, facebooking...you get the idea. If you want this to get back to the friendship we had before, it's time for you to put in work.
But if you don't want to continue this friendship, I'm ok with that. Really, I am. If it's time for us to move on, so be it. Because sometimes that's what happens in life, we meet people, they come on and off our travels down life's road, sometimes they stay for the long run, sometimes it's short. Maybe this is our off ramp.
The decision to stay on or get off is yours.
Me.
*********************
Friend,
This may be coming as a surprise to you, it may not, but for me, it needs to be done.
I can no longer accept our friendship as it stands. It is unbalanced. I can't remember the last time you called me and asked how I was. Do you know how I'm doing? What I'm doing? Some of the things I'm going through in my life right now at home, work, school, or with my family? I didn't think you did.
The majority of our phone calls involve me calling you asking how you are, your issues, welling being, e.g. If friendships, like any relationship, are about give and take, you've been taking more than you've given for far too long. I have no more left to give. I am tapped out, throwing in the towel. I'm not putting all the effort into this friendship anymore. No longer. I'm not calling, not texting, emailing, facebooking...you get the idea. If you want this to get back to the friendship we had before, it's time for you to put in work.
But if you don't want to continue this friendship, I'm ok with that. Really, I am. If it's time for us to move on, so be it. Because sometimes that's what happens in life, we meet people, they come on and off our travels down life's road, sometimes they stay for the long run, sometimes it's short. Maybe this is our off ramp.
The decision to stay on or get off is yours.
Me.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Coversations with my 2 year old self.
Aunt Dana fraked up with Mini-me. I have to apologize to the niece for not sharing the coat I was using weekend in the car as my covers. She's at that highly impressionable, all about me age and the request for me to give up my blanket, when answered by my, "but I'm cold" was not met with very well.
Now in my head I was saying, "But I'm cold, and isn't there another coat? Cause I used it earlier when we went through this before on our way down to grandma's". But what you want to say, and what actually comes out of your mouth are two different things when you're running on 6 hours of sleep and pushing your 17th hour of being awake. Yeah, Auntie lost her mind, I admit it. So now, I get to have a sit down and have a conversation with my 2 year old self, honestly, I never saw this happening.
Now in my head I was saying, "But I'm cold, and isn't there another coat? Cause I used it earlier when we went through this before on our way down to grandma's". But what you want to say, and what actually comes out of your mouth are two different things when you're running on 6 hours of sleep and pushing your 17th hour of being awake. Yeah, Auntie lost her mind, I admit it. So now, I get to have a sit down and have a conversation with my 2 year old self, honestly, I never saw this happening.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Unblocking Myself
Three months in and I am still under construction, yet I am content at where I am so far and looking forward to where I have to go. I've let go of a lot of stuff, realized some stuff about me that I'm not proud of and had me questioning myself and thinking a lot of who and what I've thought of myself as and who I've associated myself with. It was hard and it wasn't pretty. Much of want I've wanted out of life I've potentially blocked from myself with the people that I have placed in my life. It looks like it's time for me to unblock myself.
I know I'll be letting go of some issues and some people. I'm fine with that, it's time for it anyway, some things you just out grow, but I'm growing into and expanding other relationships as those fall away. Season is changing.
Is it hard to face? Not hard, sad; letting go is always hard. Ring now, I am physically and mentally changing on a weekly basis, I'm not going to be the person I was 3 months ago, let alone 3 years ago! Expecting many of the same people that I've had in my life over the years to be around now isn't likely to happen and that's ok. It's ok.
I know I'll be letting go of some issues and some people. I'm fine with that, it's time for it anyway, some things you just out grow, but I'm growing into and expanding other relationships as those fall away. Season is changing.
Is it hard to face? Not hard, sad; letting go is always hard. Ring now, I am physically and mentally changing on a weekly basis, I'm not going to be the person I was 3 months ago, let alone 3 years ago! Expecting many of the same people that I've had in my life over the years to be around now isn't likely to happen and that's ok. It's ok.
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