Comets don't come around that often.

I've had this on my mind for awhile now, but I haven't blogged on it cause I knew I'd hurt some people's feelings. Then I remembered who I was, and said screw it, I'll do it anyway:  The older I have gotten, I've started to notice a pattern with men and women my age doing stupid relationship acts.

Men: You decide that it is 'time' for you to settle down and get married. So the next chick that wanders into your sites that you somewhat like, you bag her and tag her.

Women: You are so desperate to settle down and get married, you're trying to force a man that you should have let go of years ago into a mold of a what you think your perfect man is.

How sad.

Guys

Where this clock is that tells you it is time for you to get married? I'd like to break it.  How many of you have have missed out on a great woman because you felt it wasn't your 'time' to get married? Yet, when you decide that it is time, oh my damn, do your friends WISH they could turn back the clock! Really? It wasn't the right time for A, who was a five course meal at The Palm....damn near perfect, yet it's the right time for B and she's......well......2 for $20 at Applebee's. This example ticks me off two fold, cause not only does the guy pass on the right girl (grass is greener), but he marries (settles) with the wrong girl, then months, years, later, he realizes his mistake and god-willing, doesn't do it again.

But so much time wasted......why do you put yourselves through this? Get rid of the clock! Sure, there isn't just 'one' person for any of us out there, but when you come across one of the 'ones' dammit man, you don't let it go! They're like comets, they don't come around all that often. (I'm talking about the cool comets, like Hailey.) You've got to grab it when you can and don't let it go!

Granted, there are times, exceptional times, where you must let the Comet go. (War, death, intercontinental jobs, youth, family drama, alien abductions; TRULY exceptional times) What are you to do? You still don't settle for Applebee's!! True, you may not get The Palm again either you could get Ruth's Chris or Shula's but you really don't want to settle for a Applebee's after The Palm, do you?

Ladies

STOP THE MADDNESS!!

Can you PLEASE leave these fools on the corner where you found them? If you want to be nice, drop him off at his mamas house. It's bad enough you've gone and had babies by this lazy-ass, no job, welfare having, in and out of jail fool, but WHY do you keep letting him back in? Your house? Your bed? Your wallet? Especially when you KNOW his ass has just climbed out of someone ELSE'S bed!! WAKE UP! He is not your Prince Charming. Yes, you've wasted a LOT of years on that man, don't waste anymore on him. Walk away. NOW. The only thing that that man can bring you is more heart-ache, pain, a child by another woman and maybe an STD. Happiness? Pleasure? Joy? Contentment? Peace of Mind? Not from him. Hasn't he treated you like a fool and a doormat long enough? He's not going to be the man you want him to be, he never will be. The man you WANT is out there looking for you. Get out there so he can find you.

Forks and Spoons

I'm not feminist. I like men. A lot. I think they're the best things God put on this planet besides Haagen Daaz Vanilla Fudge Ice Cream (which they discontinued, bastards) and full body deep tissue massages. Most feminists give off the, "I am woman, hear me roar, cause I can do anything a man can do' cheer. Why? Just because I CAN do something doesn't mean I SHOULD or NEED TO: hell, I can change a flat tire, why should I? I know plenty of guys that can do it for me. Ladies, guess what? Men LIKE doing stuff for us; it makes them feel manly. Give them something manly to do, then thank them kindly for it. You, and they, will be glad you did.

I can't do everything a man can do; a man can't do everything that I, a woman, can do. Stop telling me that I don't need a man to do this or I don't need a man to do that. Yes, I do. We do. If mother nature intended for us to not need men, we would not need men to get pregnant. Don't talk to me about doctors and invetro and all that, cause do you know what you still need at the end of the day? A man. And if men were depended upon for children, well, humanity probably would of ended 10,000 years ago.  I hate to tell you feminists this, but we aren't equal; we are Forks and Spoons.

It's a weird analogy, I know, but when I read it in a book, it fits perfectly. You don't use a fork to eat soup and you don't use a spoon to eat spaghetti. Each utensil is needed for specific tasks, yet sometimes, they can be used for the same task. (Ever run out of clean spoons and you really, really are dying for some ice cream? Forks work!) We have our differences, each needed to do a specific job, but to complete your meal, you need both a fork and a spoon, right?

You belong with me....but I'm not waiting for you to realize it.

Have you ever crushed on someone that was with the wrong person, you know they're so right for you, but you refuse to be THAT person that is the cause for the break up?

Yup. Me too.

But what did you do? Cry? Stare at your crush from afar and curse fates for giving you such terrible timing? Did you make little voodoo dolls of their girlfriend and try for the worst to overtake them? Did you sit at home, eating ice cream and drinking wine moaning with your girlfriends about how all the really great guys were taken with girls they didn't need to be with?

Yup. Me too.

Then one day I woke up and asked myself, 'Why?' Why am I'm pining away for someone I cannot have? There are thousands, no, MILLIONS of  someones I can have out there? Really, why are you wasting your time on that ONE that doesn't see you/isn't ready for you/can't have you/doesn't want you when there are THOUSANDS of them out there that DO? No, MILLIONS. 

Yes: Millions. Start strapping on your stilettos and get your freak'em dress on!

Yeah, there are PLENTY of great guys out there with wasting their time on girls they shouldn't, just because they don't want to be alone or the one guy in their group of friends that doesn't have a girlfriend. Then that one REALLY great woman comes along that's perfect for him and what's SHE suppose to do, wait? Hell no: Millions. There is no 'One'  in this world; there are 'Ones'. Someone may be your 'One' at this point in your life, but if the time is not right for either of you, move on; another 'One' will come along or if fate likes you, she'll bring that 'One' back around.

Why wait and hope on one man who doesn't want you where there are THOUSANDS out there that do? No. Millions.

The Blueprint: Part I

I'm 44 pounds lighter than I was this time last year. Many people have told me that I have inspired them and have asked me what I have been doing. When I set out on my journey, I never meant to inspire anyone else, just to be a better me. I'm still not done with my journey, I'm at about the halfway point right now.  But I figured that I can share with you what I've been doing/have done so far. Not everything works for everyone, it took me over 10 years to get to this point. I've tried damn near every diet and workout out plan out there. But after doing some research and LEARNING about my body, cause all bodies are different, I figured out what worked for me. 

The Food:  Dr. Abravanel's Body Type Diet and Lifetime Nutrition Plan

This book was a god send for me, before it, I was a sugar crazed caffeine addicted acne covered slob. My desk at one point had a candy drawer and a bowl. I would eat Pillsbury break n bake cookies almost nightly, by the tray. It was ugly. This book helped me break that addiction. It also tells you what types of workouts are good for your bodytype. The ones below were good for me, they may not be right for you if you're not my type.

  

The Workout(s): Insanity, TurboFire

Love, Love LOVE Insanity, but back in October, I couldn't do it to save my life. I was too fat. So to start losing weight and work my way up to it, I started doing TurboFire. It took me 4 mths of doing TF to get into good enough shape even do Insanity, and I'm still not great at it, but I can do it. I can DO it.

The Accountability: My Weight Doctor

Mom pushed this one on me. She wanted me to go. Her thinking was it took drugs for me to get fat to begin with, it was gonna take drugs to help me get the fat off. (Ladies, never, EVER go on Depo!) So after months of being my usual stubborn self, I finally broke down and went, best decision of my life. My normal weightloss yo-yo is do good for a while, plateau, then get discouraged and fall off the wagon. With them, it doesn't happen, they help me to adjust to the plateaus and curves that happen when your body wants to hold on to the fat. They encourage you when you're doing good and scold you when you're not, but keep pressing you to do better. I need that.

Eisenhower Road.

My dad has a picture from my brother's year at NAPS (Naval Academy Prep School. Newport, RI for those who don't know) from the annual NAPS/MAPS (West Point's prep school) game.  The picture is of my brother, Brendan Looney, who were at NAPS, and Anthony Miller who attended MAPS. The three of them played football at DeMatha together and dad captured the 'together again' moment of Brendan and Tony in their jersey's while David was still in his whites, he wasn't playing football anymore.

It's amazing the milliseconds in time that pictures can capture. Who would have imagined so many years ago that my brother would be the only one to reach 30? Tony died of a heart attack on February 1, 2002. A heart attack and hadn't even reached his 21st birthday. http://theantmillproject.com/index.html

I usually spend Memorial day at Arlington Cemetery, this year I was out of town so I went the Sunday before. The normal crowds were there; with tourist season in full swing, there were plenty of tour groups on the grounds. But when you go to Arlington, you'll notice as the larger crowds head up the tourist route to see JFK's grave, the Tomb of the Unknowns and Arlington House, there are a few of us who break off from the crowds and head left down Eisenhower Rd where not many people walk. If you happen to pass someone, you give them a nod of your head, knowing where they came from; it's those who pass you in their cars that gives you the knot in your throat. After about 10 or so minutes I make a left onto York Road.

Section 60. I wish I had no one to visit here. But where I once had one person to visit, I now have three. I drop a stone whenever I go by.

60-8564: Christopher John-Lee West.  I met his sister on one of my cruises. We had lots to bond about; both of our brothers were in the military, CJ in the Army. In 2007/2008 both of them were in Iraq. CJ was killed by a IED 4 Feb 2008.

60-9179: Travis L. Manion. I didn't know him. He graduated from the Academy with my brother and he was Brendan's roommate and friend and that is enough. http://www.travismanion.com/

60-9180: Brendan John Looney. I don't think I've ever felt the physical impact of emotions as I did when I heard of Brendan's death. It literally hurt. His family and mine had wandered the DeMatha/NAPS/USNA path together and having him gone still seems wrong.

I hope because the President mentioned Travis and Brendan in his Memorial day speech hoards of people don't descend on Section 60 for a photo op. There are families everyday still grieving, they deserve the same respect and privacy due anyone at any cemetery.

I'm Off the Clock.

"I'm not getting engaged/married just because 'it became time to do so.' Who invented this imaginary clock? I'm not taking that step until I find 'the one.' And if I die before then I'll have a bomb ass bachelor life. You know what I mean?"

That's a quote by a friend from a discussion on relationships and the increasing number of men (and some women) we know who are settling down and getting engaged/married for no other reason because 'it's time'. They're in a relationship with someone and since it's 'time', they're gonna take the plunge and settle down with them. Wow. Un-fraking-believeable. Somehow, they have managed to turn what is suppose to be one of the most important, beautiful moments in a persons life into a trip to Jiffy Lube. 

Relationships are not cars; they don't have a required maintenance schedule that you need to adhere to while you are in them. 

There's a 50% divorce rate in this country, why? I have a number of ideas as to why this is and I could go on for days, but I'll stick with three. My main reasons would be expecting their partner to change, the whole 'it's time' issue, and not being prepared for marriage.  

They'll Be Different After We're Married

"They'll stop smoking/drinking/going out so much/leaving the toilet seat up/hitting me/spending so much money/let me spend more time with my friends...after we're married."  

What are you smoking? If they haven't changed by this point or suffered an extreme blow to the head, what dream world are you living in that you will somehow change them? Because you love them? As Tina said, what's love got to do with it? If they were gonna change for you they would have done it already. They haven't which means they aren't. If they say they will when....or maybe... that means no, they aren't or won't be. So stop fooling yourself and get out while you can.

"It's Time" for me to settle down...

Well don't you just feel special now? You just happen to be the one there when your boy/girlfriend has decided that they need to settle down.You're not 'the one' you're convenient. Haven't you always wanted to be 7-11? The problem with 7-11 is that you can't get what you really need there; the important, substantial stuff that you'd get at the grocery store. 

I believe in love. I would like to one day find that man who I've been waiting for and will love me and treat me as I deserve, marry, and pop out a couple of kids. But I will not settle for the wrong man or the wrong relationship because 'it's time'.

Not Being Prepared for Marriage

 I love you, let's get married. Sorry, not a reason to get married. Love is great, but not a reason to get married.

• Do you want kids? 
• How's your credit? 
• Are we buying a house or renting? 
• What happens if one of our parents gets sick? 
• Who's in charge of paying the bills? 
• Who cooks? 
• Do you get along with your family? What are we going to do when/if they visit? 
• What happens if one of us can no longer work? 
• Do we have the same beliefs in God?  
• Who's gonna clean the bathroom? 

These are just some of the questions that should be asked either at the beginning of a relationship or well into it if you're thinking of getting married.Kids and religion are some big topics to not be in agreement on and waiting til after the ceremony is over to see where you stand on them is just asking for an appearance before the divorce court judge. When shit hits the fan and yall aren't in agreement, love vanishes real quick and bitterness and contempt take its place.

 

It's time to stop being selfish about what WE want and need, because if we truly cared about the other person in these kinds of relationships, would we really do this to them?

I've made up my mind here and now; I'd rather spend the rest of my life single childless than be miserable in a marriage and bring children into that situation; it's not fair to them or to me.

Aunt Flo and her 7 moods

I'm going to over share, cause I just feel like doing that tonight. 

As a female from age12 til about our mid 50's, mother nature let's us know every month that we can have babies.  And barring that first time where we're elated because 'we're women now' and all that fun stuff and the last time where 'we're no longer women cause we can't have babies anymore' stuff, most months are pretty mundane.  Most. 

But some months Aunt Flo likes to visit with one or more of her moods. I like to compare them to the seven dwarfs, but not exactly like them because I, of course, had to put my own twist on them.  Happy, Dopey, Sleepy, Horny, Crazy, Bitchy, and Bloated. Now you may or may not have experienced these moods yourself or you may have one that you would like to add (feel free to.) These are the ones that I have personally come across over my now two decades in womanhood. (damn it's been that long?!)

1. Happy - The best mood of the all! You are perfectly normal. And it doesn't even feel like 'that time' for you. You're happy, everyone's happy, it's wonderful.

2. Dopey - You are not your normal self. At all. You're making Anna Nicole Smith look like a double major at M.I.T. and God forbid someone ask you what 2 + 2 is! People ask you questions and they have to repeat themselves three times before you can actually understand what they're saying. It's as sad state.

3. Sleepy - Why did you even get out of bed this morning? You fell asleep sitting in traffic and you were late coming in to work cause you fell asleep in the parking lot. There's now a knot on your heat cause you slammed your head against the desk when it fell outta your hands and no amount of coffee or energy drink is gonna wake you up, you need your bed.

4. Horny - You have reverted back to the primal nature of man 10,000 years ago and it's taking every fiber of your being not to attack and ravage every fine and/or nice smelling man that passes your way.  It just may be safer for you and most of the male population to stay home the next few days.

5. Crazy - You aren't making any sense. Your friends are saying you're acting crazy, so is your family. Your boss is asking if everything is ok with you. Basically, you have lost your damn mind for no reason. Proceed to the nearest CVS and buy so Midol, ASAP.

6. Bitchy - Most people would put Bitchy and Crazy together, but there's a difference between the two. Bitchy means you're complaining about any and everything, even if it for no apparent reason. Crazy, you can start out as Bitchy, and then head off into space.

7. Bloated - Remember that scene from Ghostbusters when Staypuff the Marshmallow Man comes down the street?  That's how most of us feel when we're bloated and can't fit into any of our clothes and are sitting in our living room on a Friday night bitching on the phone with our girlfriends about stupid designers and how fat we feel.

Yeah, I know, I over shared, but I hope I amused you somewhat.