I get delirious.

It's raining outside. I'm cold. My workout was suppose to be a 'recovery' but I think he lied. I'm achy all over cause he made us do these v-up pushups where you're over in a downward dog, on your tiptoes and then do pushups. No, really. Pushups.

I want to go to sleep but I think I'm too tired to go. I'm also kinda craving fried fish. Weird. I must be burning calories like a furnace right now. Most random, rambling blog post ever. But I have to post. Lent, remember?  I'm going to bed now before I hop in my car and head to some corner market in DC for a fried fish basket with salt, pepper and hot sauce.

Stages of Love

My current journey has me working on me now and future me. Future me is reading "Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman. I don't have anyone in my life at the moment, but I will. Soon. I want to be ready for that.When I marry, I'm not going to be another statistic, so preparing myself with what not to do in relationships is a pretty good way to start. All relationships have their ups and downs but wouldn't you want to mitigate that as much as possible if you could?

I really like this book. I can see myself pulling it out later and re-reading it, reviewing it. It's helping me to learn a lot about myself. There's one chapter that's really intrigued me; 'Romantic Love Has Two Stages'. The first stage is the one we all know; that first, skipping through the fields, floating on air, he/she can do no wrong, feeling of love, being in love. Then there's stage two, I think of this stage as love reality or I love you but (I love you but I can't stand...) In the book Dr. Chapman discusses how many people never reach the second stage of love until later in their relationships, many times after their married. This discovery many times ends in divorce with couples because the don't realize that it's coming and they don't know each others love language. Yes, there is a love language and yes, we all have a love language.


In a nutshell, the 5 languages that makes someone feel loved are:
1. Words of Affirmation - words used to affirm another person
2. Acts of Service - doing something for another person
3. Receiving Gifts -getting a gift from someone
4.Quality Time - giving the other person your undivided attention
5. Physical Touch - duh

You can learn more about it here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com

It makes me think when I ponder past relationships.....

I tried to figure mine out without taking the test, but I couldn't. Although I definitely knew I wasn't Acts of Service. It's nice that you washed my car, but I can do that, I have my regular detailer that I take Sonja to once a month to get taken care of, thank you. My primary language is Quality Time. Secondary are Receiving Gifts and Personal Touch; what can I say, they tied. And they say to tell what a person is is what that person normally displays to others....damn, my man is gonna be SO LUCKY!

A Dater’s Bill of Rights

Great article from the Post. You won't find me saying THAT very often so enjoy it while it lasts!

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A Dater's Bill of Rights
by Paul J. Williams
washingtonpost.com Staff Writer
Friday, February 8, 2008; 11:04 AM


Let's be honest -- dating stinks. Dating is like hitting a baseball -- if you have a .300 success (defined as the person you like likes you back) rate, you're doing pretty well. Too often, dates are doomed from the start because the two parties involved go into them with vastly different views of proper dating behavior. One person might go into it expecting to contribute interesting conversation, good company and a receptive attitude, while the other person is unwilling to do more than communicate through a series of grunts, clicks and whistles, or -- the opposite problem -- feels like the date is an opportunity to share his or her full, rich and detailed biography with a degree of self-promotion that makes Paris Hilton look like J.D. Salinger.
Therefore, I'm going to lay out a Dater's Bill of Rights, a set of rules and principles that really should have been addressed by our Founding Fathers -- I mean, are you more likely to go on a date in your life, or to have to quarter a soldier?

So with that in mind:

You have the right to leave at any point in the first 10 minutes
This one is pretty self-explanatory -- if he swore he looks like Brad Pitt, but he looks more like Brad Garrett, you're out of there, no questions asked. If, in the first 600 seconds, she mentions criminal charges, problems with her mother AND that her favorite Will Ferrell movie is "Kicking and Screaming," you're free to go.

You have the right to the other person's interest and the responsibility to be interesting
When out on a date, you have to both talk and listen. If you are the type to view a date as an opportunity to spew forth everything that has happened to you from the birth canal to that morning's hangnail, because, hey, the other person wasn't saying anything -- make sure that the other person is not quiet only because he has stabbed himself to death with a fork (And I'm using the male pronoun randomly here). Ask questions of your date, tease him gently when he says something goofy, listen to what the other person is saying without thinking about work or your dry cleaning or, for the love of God, checking your BlackBerry.
On the other hand, if dessert is on the way and you haven't said anything about yourself, you need to think long and hard before you go on your next date. What have you done that you can talk about? Have you written a book, backpacked across Europe, gone skydiving, spent the night in a Vegas jail, mastered a martial art -- if you don't have at least two things you can talk about that are as interesting as the things on that list, your homework is to accomplish two before your next date. Most dating advice columnists say you should do things like this for your personal enrichment, because it will make you a better person and blah blah blah. I think you should do it for the sake of the poor sucker sitting across from you at Cosi who is about to realize you have nothing to talk about besides your job.
(Why two things? Because the only thing worse than people with nothing to say are those who have only one thing to talk about -- their hockey team or Pilates or yak herding-- and just go on and on and on about it. Diversify, people.)

You have the right to an honest assessment of the date
There are people, including the one who is writing this online dating column, who have ended dates with the phrase "I'll call you," even when they have no intention of doing so. (I've been on the receiving end of this treatment, also). Sometimes no further clarification is needed -- say you end up in Tijuana with a headache and matching tattoos, or, conversely, a grand jury has been impaneled. But most dates fall somewhere in the middle. If you want to see the other person again, be direct about it. If you don't, be direct about that, too.

You have the right to breakfast
So, let's say the first or third or thirtieth date goes so well that the datee ends up spending the night. Assuming that the host actually likes the other person and wasn't just looking to hook up, they are responsible for acquiring bagels, donuts or other breakfast stuffs, as this tells the datee -- "Hey, I actually like you and I wasn't just looking to hook up."

You have the right to a minimal amount of drama
Within the first 30 days of the relationship, you should not be expected to provide a car payment, rent, bail, drugs, drug counseling, CPR, a blood transfusion or national security codes (this is D.C.; could happen). If your new paramour can't keep his act together in the first 30 days, just extrapolate how much worse things will be when he's not trying to impress you anymore.

You have the right to regular status updates
That is, the "where do we stand?" discussion. I despise uncertainty. I think the problem is that in dating, there are no metrics. In sports or business or politics, there are clear ways to measure success -- won-loss records, quarterly earnings, vote totals. In the early days of a budding relationship, when you don't yet know the other person's signals or how best to communicate your own feelings, sussing out where things are going can be like reading skywriting on a windy day. Skywriting written in Sanskrit. And you're not even looking up.
To remedy this, I think both parties should exchange formal reports once a week, detailing attraction levels, the effects of various factors, etc.: "I'm happy to report that my affection for Ryan is up 31 percent this week, continuing a steady three-week growth of increases (see chart on p. 34). Picking me up, with flowers no less, in the first quarter of week three caused a 25 percent increase alone. Since we have become intimate, Ryan has shown a lot of potential and a real go-getter attitude in the sack, as well (see chart labeled "Satisfaction" p. 36)."
Or, in lieu of all that, make an effort to communicate clearly your feelings and level of interest. Dating works best when everyone is on the same page.
To me, all of these rights are based on one guiding principle: dating is about balancing what's best for you with respect for the other person and a desire to make him or her happy. Easier said than done, I know, but keep this equation in mind when trying to solve a dating dilemma and you'll be much happier and more likely to survive with your sanity intact. In the months ahead, I hope to apply that principle in columns on topics such as: How do I ask someone out?; how do I know when we're exclusive?; how do I share my deep, dark secrets?; should you stay friends with exes?; what to put in an online dating profile?; what are the best (and worst) ways to break up?; how do I get my friend to be more than friends?; and more.

Oh, stereotypes.

For those that know me pretty well, they know my political leanings are a bit different your typical black person. I'm pretty conservative when it comes to most issues, libertarian on others, all in all, so far from you card carrying democrat, Jesse Jackson would probably have a heart attack if I dated one of his grandkids (if I dated black guys).  

Last night a friend and I hit up a happy hour at Public for this singles group I randomly became a part of on Facebook.  It's not a too bad of a group, there's a pretty diverse mix of people and the conversation is always interesting, and seeing that we were already going to be in DC for an function later we decided to hit it up. It was here where I met a woman, who wasn't part of the group, thank God, that I can say, hands down was the textbook stereotypical liberal elite snob that the right wing talking heads speak so much about. Oh. My. Damn. I happened to strike up a conversation with her because she happens to look like Laurence Fishburne's wife and her response was that's funny you should mention that, Larry has been my mentor for 13 years...oooook. Small world. In talking to her more I come to learn that she's a community organizer that came to DC back in 2008 and she travels around to different cities in the country to help them and had just gotten back from Little Rock. Around this time someone proceeds to take a picture near us and she shields her face leaning over to me saying that she doesn't like her picture taken because of what she does. (Are you @&* me?!) Yet not 10 minutes later is posing for pictures with my friends and some other folks. (Really? REALLY?! Hypocrite.)

So my friend tells her the reason why we're there and she says something along the lines of oh, that's why it's like this today and turns around to tell her friend. The two of them couldn't put their coats on fast enough and leave. Wow. Yall are some real bitches. Glad you left, please don't call me. If you think what you do impresses me get over yourself. It takes a LOT to impress me dear, the only impact you've made is a bad one and I hope you and everyone like you that's come to DC leaves soon cause you need to get your ass off that high horse you're on.

Most days I'm all for throwing my 'I'm not what you think I am' cards on the table, I'm glad I didn't with this chick last night, she was just a hot mess. I hate people with that 'I'm better than you' attitude. One day, you're gonna pull that mess on someone who's so much better/successful/powerful than you that you're gonna be embarrassed, broke and out on the street homeless and jobless. Deservedly so; cause some people have to learn the hard way.

Insane? Yes. But I made it through this time!

I mentioned before I'm tuning in my Fat Card for my Trim Card.  I didn't say slim card because I'll never be slim, I'm a curvy girl with boobs and hips and a small waist, why would I want to give this up? I'm 10 lbs away from my first goal, 60lbs away from my overall goal which feels AMAZING.

It feels amazing, but it's gonna hurt like hell. I've decided to tackle Insanity. Now as you know, I have a bit of a fitness informercial addiction, this is one of them. It's max interval training; which means lots of cardio at your max effort in bursts with 30 second breaks in between. Yeah, I'm crazy. The sad, sad shape I'm in is shown from my fit test. But darn it, I'm proud of that cause before, I couldn't even DO the fit test! My first attempt at it months ago left me gasping for breath and curled up on my floor for about an hour after. I actually made it through this time! Woooo!!

Pocrastination

Procrastination should be another issue I work on over Lent, but I already have so many to work on as it is....oh well. I'm taking a course next week to be a certified that required taking 8 prerequisite courses before going to the course. Yeah, I just finished them today.  I know waiting for the last minute is never good, but I just kept putting it off and putting it off until I realized, crap, I have to do it! That's kinda what happened with my degree. 

I still haven't gotten my Bachelor's degree. I'm working on it now, over halfway there thankfully but this is it, I'm in it til the finish this time.  I'm going for Emergency and Disaster Preparedness because, well, I'm good in the middle of chaos. The crazier things get around me the calmer and more focused I get. I think the training I'm taking Monday will definitely tell me if I want this as a career/degree choice or not seeing that I still have time to change my major if needed. I hear History is a good degree to have....

It's spring time, die trees, DIE!

From my title, you can guess that I'm not a lover of spring. I hate it. With a passion. Why? Allergies.  If you happen to be one of the rare few who recently moved to the area that has yet to be blessed with them, give it about 2-5 years and you'll be as miserable as the rest of us. It's that mystery allergy that no one has before they get here but in a few short years when the season hits they look like they've been attacked by a pre-school class on red marker day. Ugh, I hate the spring.

I'm glad to be heading south twice this month, once for a friends body building competition in Petersburg and again for a cousins baby shower. Ah, once I'm below Fredericksburg, I'll be able to breathe!!! Yes! I can actually get some work done on the family tree while I'm headed down South.  The Library of Richmond has the Mecklenburg County Register of Freed Slaves that I need to review to look up members of my family. After the Civil War, the Freedman's Bureau in each state went around and recorded all of the freed slaves and if they were living as man and wife in some areas.  The register is only available in it's original form to go through and I'm hoping to take pictures of the pages so I can transcribe them later.  It's pretty awe-inspiring to know that that book someone had in their hand and spoke to my ancestors, writing down their information so that I can get it today.