I'm Off the Clock.

"I'm not getting engaged/married just because 'it became time to do so.' Who invented this imaginary clock? I'm not taking that step until I find 'the one.' And if I die before then I'll have a bomb ass bachelor life. You know what I mean?"

That's a quote by a friend from a discussion on relationships and the increasing number of men (and some women) we know who are settling down and getting engaged/married for no other reason because 'it's time'. They're in a relationship with someone and since it's 'time', they're gonna take the plunge and settle down with them. Wow. Un-fraking-believeable. Somehow, they have managed to turn what is suppose to be one of the most important, beautiful moments in a persons life into a trip to Jiffy Lube. 

Relationships are not cars; they don't have a required maintenance schedule that you need to adhere to while you are in them. 

There's a 50% divorce rate in this country, why? I have a number of ideas as to why this is and I could go on for days, but I'll stick with three. My main reasons would be expecting their partner to change, the whole 'it's time' issue, and not being prepared for marriage.  

They'll Be Different After We're Married

"They'll stop smoking/drinking/going out so much/leaving the toilet seat up/hitting me/spending so much money/let me spend more time with my friends...after we're married."  

What are you smoking? If they haven't changed by this point or suffered an extreme blow to the head, what dream world are you living in that you will somehow change them? Because you love them? As Tina said, what's love got to do with it? If they were gonna change for you they would have done it already. They haven't which means they aren't. If they say they will when....or maybe... that means no, they aren't or won't be. So stop fooling yourself and get out while you can.

"It's Time" for me to settle down...

Well don't you just feel special now? You just happen to be the one there when your boy/girlfriend has decided that they need to settle down.You're not 'the one' you're convenient. Haven't you always wanted to be 7-11? The problem with 7-11 is that you can't get what you really need there; the important, substantial stuff that you'd get at the grocery store. 

I believe in love. I would like to one day find that man who I've been waiting for and will love me and treat me as I deserve, marry, and pop out a couple of kids. But I will not settle for the wrong man or the wrong relationship because 'it's time'.

Not Being Prepared for Marriage

 I love you, let's get married. Sorry, not a reason to get married. Love is great, but not a reason to get married.

• Do you want kids? 
• How's your credit? 
• Are we buying a house or renting? 
• What happens if one of our parents gets sick? 
• Who's in charge of paying the bills? 
• Who cooks? 
• Do you get along with your family? What are we going to do when/if they visit? 
• What happens if one of us can no longer work? 
• Do we have the same beliefs in God?  
• Who's gonna clean the bathroom? 

These are just some of the questions that should be asked either at the beginning of a relationship or well into it if you're thinking of getting married.Kids and religion are some big topics to not be in agreement on and waiting til after the ceremony is over to see where you stand on them is just asking for an appearance before the divorce court judge. When shit hits the fan and yall aren't in agreement, love vanishes real quick and bitterness and contempt take its place.

 

It's time to stop being selfish about what WE want and need, because if we truly cared about the other person in these kinds of relationships, would we really do this to them?

I've made up my mind here and now; I'd rather spend the rest of my life single childless than be miserable in a marriage and bring children into that situation; it's not fair to them or to me.